184`goodbye my lover

i just listened to the song by Jolin: Shuo Ai Ni. and it reminded me of my ex-lover (haha, that sounds weird eh?). all the matter, its cause during that time, i was so infatuated with this song. i thought it sorta described our relationship? such truly complicating stufx. not that its a big deal now, cause he's so ex he's way past z:))

i couldnt really remember when we started or even when we ended for that matter. perhaps thats better anyway. hurhur. endless msgings and whatnots. plus during my sec3 camp. if i could, i would definitely want to see what are the stufx you planned specially for me. for all of those, i thank you so much. your feelings, all that you did for me; for us. sure, i hurt you deep. but you did the same too. in revenge i would think. and it hurts most when you know you broke your own heart. anyhow, im real sorry. sorry i cut our relationship so short. though you dont know the exact reason, but who am i to complain? cause i know i was only almost here in the past for you. so in return, when i need you you're only almost here as well. but then, haven't i always loved you?

now that i've already let you go. and you are happy with your better half now. with all blessings, i wish you enough. and from now, i bid you a final goodbye, my lover.

183`waning

words really cannot describe how i feel. they arent enough to relate. so its best i dont even attempt. not even quotes help now.

idontspeak. justlikeaghosttotheworld.

182`♥quotes

*Anything you can do i can do better
*I liked the way you were back in the beginning
*I love you too much to make you stay.
*I never stopped caring for you, i just stopped letting it show.
*Mistakes have a time frame, but regrets are forever..
*A broken heart is listening to that one song that makes you break down over and over again
*One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that your mouth cannot speak.
*Walking across the thin ice of my dreams, Fearing the cold waters of reality beneath me. Yet onward I tried.
*As soon as forever is though, i'd be over you.
*Life will take your dreams & turn them upside down
People are gonna talk shit when you ain’t around
Scumbags make promises they don’t intend to keep
That’s why I have realized talk is so cheap.
*Big fake smiles & stupid lies, deep inside you're bleeding
*Sometimes all u can do is smile, move on with the day, hold back ur tears, and just pretend ur okay... sometimes all you can do is break down, stop the day, let your tears fall and let your emotions fly away...
*I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is that i care too much. And our scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to feel.
*I smile & act like theres nothing wrong. That's called putting shit aside & being strong!
*nobody is what they seem
*I've realized there are certain people who are not meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to be.
*Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much.
*They say, what does not kill you only makes you stronger. Well maybe some of us are sick & tired of being so damn strong
*I'm only about as strong as the alcohol i drink, the pills i swallow, and the tables i dance on.
*Bottled up inside are the words I never said. The feelings that I hide, the lines you never read. You can see it in my eyes, read it on my face, trapped inside are lies of the past I cant replace. With memories that linger wont seem to go away. The hurtings are never over.
*Memories are pain that lost their meaning over time.
*I'm not insecure; i just don't trust people.
*It hurts most when you know you broke your own heart
*she always loved to help other people fix their mistakes, but she never seemed to be able to fix her own.
*Dont stand on my grave and cry;
I did not die.
*I only smile in the dark, my only comfort is the night gone black. im only happy when it rains.
*So many assume;
So little know
*Do you ever feel alone in a crowded room?
*Just because we don't say certain things, doesn't mean we don't feel them.
*When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.
*What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away...
*Love lingers even when you try so hard to forget
*so sick of love songs; so tired of tears; so done with wishing you’re still here.
*You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.
*You didn't say anything to hurt me, it's what you didn't say that made me cry.
*Tears are the words my heart uses to explain when my fake smile cant cover up the pain
*She doesnt need an army to protect her because she never lets anyone get close enough to hurt her
*give me some 1000 good reasons why i need a boyfriend
*It's the places that you have come to fear the most.
*and then i walk away.and i think of thousands of thingsi wish i could've said
*if i lay here, if i just lay here. would you lay with me and just forget the world. i don't quite know how to say how i feel. those three words are said too much. they're not enough.


**Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.


**S0METiMES the smallest things in life are the hardest to do. like clicking on his screen name & just saying ‘hey’.

181`christmas wish list

i was born to love you. i love everything about you. i wanna love you every single day of my life:)

ahh, my partner in crime is not gonna be in town for 4days. hurhur sadded can. LMAO! be back soon la girl. hehheh

Christmas is nearing? and thou i dont believe in Christmas-es, i still would like to make a christmas list. so if Santa is KIND enough, pls pls pls pls pls give me all the stufx i want? like prettily please with chocolato and mocha toppings?

lets see:
*MP3 (apple? creative?)
*jacket (adidas filas flmp puma kappa blarh)
*maryjane sort-like shoes
*THAT ripcurl bag
*clothes! (what else? hahahahaha)
*the jap show i wanna buy.
*plus many other more of course
*or something more practical- MOOLAs!

will Santa pls be a friendly old man and grant me my wishes? HO-HO-HO.....

180`having so much to say

i wanted to, but i guess i really wanted you... so whats good if words cannot say?
wow, i think if i posted an entry every single time i had thoughts on my mind, this blog would be way filled. thats why i often wonder, how good it would be if theres such a device/gadget to just instantaneously translate whatever thoughts i have into straight words. cool huh? then surely, i would not forget what i had wanted to say.

i should reallly go shop. hurhur. besides, shopping alone brings pleasures nothing can tantamount to. i could just spend eons in the bookstore or supermarket or anywhere else i felt like it. and coffeebean/starbucks/cream bistro are pretty much still my raves.

i want my life to be as simple as can be. i dont wanna lead a complicated life anymore. but somehow i still miss it. quite badly maybe. but who said we cant have contradictions? life itself is an irony dont you just have to agree. ah sheesh, im writing nonsense again. okay whatever, im off to watch my show now. and believe me, i swear and i can bet you the money on three words- i'll be back.

179`MY PRIDE.

hmmm, words cant describe it? ah, i dont exactly know what im feeling so yea. perhaps its all just mere randomness.. and i think sometimes i relate better in chinese. as in the usage of words to describe how i feel. these somehow seem clearly in chinese than in english. or izzit my english is deteriorating? LMAO! well heck that anyway. and i i think my comp is crazed? or i didnt do up my blog template/settings whatsoever. cause i cant see the chinese characters on my own blog. but for others i can. wthell right? haha. nonetheless im gonna continue typing chinese in my blog. until i manage to find a pretty pretty diary that ill use to write those private stufx, that so. (anyway right now i aint writing much of those thingies so you dont know) yup, by then perhaps i wont use chinese to type in my blog already? cause im not sure who are able to see those words anyway. ahahahaha! but fact is, i dont care. hurhur. anyway maybe you would already have known that some things, arent for your eyes to see? and more so, obviously because i dont wanna let you see. hurhur, what rubbish.
so, update at night again. yeah, i can stay up late watching my shows:)) shows are love

MY PRIDE- LOVE and FIGHT!
Peace.

179`sweet gestures make my day

heh heh, lotsa peeeekchures again. okay that was lame, LOL. anyway, those entries were too crowded for words la. so i just have to type another entry, which i love btw. haha, so its nP.=)

wed i went to PS with jaren. but sadded la can, the Ripcurl bag i had wanted to buy didnt have stock. and also i forgot which exactly was the one i wanted to get my hands on. haha, cause theres 2 colour combi-s. blue and orange or pink and orange (if memory serves me correctly that is). yea, but anyway good thing was that i changed my FLMP BLACK VIP CARD!!! yeahness already. -smug- and im gonna get my FLMP stufx like soon! hohoho. and hmm then we went to meet Kristie from our TEP class. heh, she damn cute la. another blur queen. lmao, but she's worst than me can. ahahahaha opps=p had wanted to go like the flash and splash shop at city hall one. but well didnt. and i almost went to ..... well, almost only; so heck that. anyway and i got my books to read. good books kills boredom. hahaha

today? lmao, i woke up late again. shucks man. i can die la pls. attended PDWM tutorial. anthony is a real joker la. haha. and i was blur today. lol, he asked me stufx when i walked in and i was like i didnt know he was asking me. wtheck, blur -inward roll eyes- 2hr break was spent in fc6 (like where else right.) and library. i finished my part for TEP already! ahahaha, great right? and during ECM lecture sal was super comical la, as always anyway. shes really one super duber uber big BLUR QUEEN. real deserving of the title. or perhaps this title is an understatment? thing was, she happily took jasin's bottle to drink. while laughing at Randy Ng's joke. and nahh, you just have to be thr. got the three of us laughing like crazy can. omgosh, real funny! haha, and another thang, 3 of us were reading novels throughout his lecture. sitting side by side somemore.
and Randy Ng is sooooooo sooooooo sooooooo nice la pls. hahaha. cause dismissal then the next batch of students just barged their way into the lecture threatre. like hell-low, you guys love 4pm lectures or plain kiasu? so we were stuck at the door, squeezed somemore. sheesh! so Randy Ng used the mike and announced: "erhh, students from the next class, can you let MY STUDENTS go out first!?!" how sweeeet right? cool, he's labelled as my fave lecturer already. like right from the start anyway. AHAHAHA.
okay, i crave for shopping! damn i didnt get to shop that day. hurhur. pls let me get my stufx. and ill be good and just stay home/ go school with no shopping pangs whatsoever? LMAO!

178.2`more peeeeeektures!

FLMP is LOVE

178`i love updates=)

muahahaha. time for major peeeekture updating. what to do? cause i so love random-izations=p






cutesy choc cookieeeeee=))
hot pizza!

Carl's Jr is UNHEALTHY food can. super salty sheesh...
its a nice burnt mark on the floor.
the cutie serviette dispenser at Carl's Jr
this, i dont have to say. jaren just dont go crazy!


177`whatever

urgh, dumbass. i'm super peeved. sheesh. okay whatever.

skipped school on mon. hahahahaha. today i skipped morning lectures. whats new really. but i dont wanna be like this. MIA-ing like nobody's biz. damn, give me some GREAT motivation. wheres my lollis?!? and i think the candyshop at Dover MRT doesnt sell lollis anymore. shucks, thats like real bad la can.

and last fri (17nov) i saw Allan Wu (as in the real allan wu, not Joel Tan) lmao! with his baby daughter. quite cute ah. haha. anyway yea.

i still rmb the details, of what once was. but you see no trace of it in my face. =)

176`school blues



175`peeeeektures


those times in the factory where i made all these AMD paper cardboards.


my cutesy star rubberband=)


this is real mini? haha
my paper people book. and im so gonna buy more!

my heart. in black.

174`i wanted to but i wanted you

what is life; what is love. what is left when love and hate collides. is it an utter annihilation, or a faithful addition. what is left, when life is being emaciated. what becomes of you, when fate makes a fool of you. what would you do, when love passes you by. what can you do, when its all but just a mere mistake. how do you move on, when you're once too close? can you stay, or do you leave. leaving all behind, burying it deep in your heart, when its all that you have, but just have to let go. maybe sometimes you have to realize that there will be some people you just cant live without, but have to let go. which hurts more- to hold on, or to let go.

soon, i will start writing my diary again.



173`

1 littoru no namida.

i dreamt of you that day. but i forgot what i dreamt of.

i want to write a diary again.

i want to know the reason for my life.

i want to find out if love really can conquer all things;

i want to know if you feel the same way too....

172`how i wish you would hear it

so very often, i dont speak what i feel. i just smile and joke around. but deep down, real way down.. its only but a facade. all the things are just one big fallacy.
why cant you see it. why cant you hear it. 我多么希望你会听到...

珊瑚海；枫；回到过去；白色风车；黑色毛衣；你听得到；痴心绝对；你那么爱她；最近；北极圈；眷恋；当爱情走到尽头。。。。songs which top the list. repeated endlessly. and never fail to make me breakdown upon hearing.


171`delayed draft

goodness gracious shiats, i just realized that kenneth posted an entry which held the exact same words as my friendster shoutout. Darned.. i didnt go read his blog recently, and just now i read it i was like "sheesh! the same wordings. cannot!!" okay lol, anyway i deleted it already just now. hurhur, talk about coincidence shall we not? [wookay, its a draft, so the date doesnt count]

11nov. awww man. im gonna be sick to death by this flu bug. lols.. my nose is seriously gonna drop off. ahahaahah. and things aint better when my dad's cig smoke hovers too. HURHUR.
and my fan died on me. wthell. im so dead. i cant survive without the other fan. gonna have to go buy a fan tmr IF im going out even. a ahhaha, ive been a nun living home all week. =)
and my books are overdue! shucks, i plain forgot bout the duedate. dead, ahaha.
plus, i haven studied! muahahahah, guess i need not elaborate further huh? LMAO! be off now.

170`RBD-TU AMOR


169`somewhere only we know

what are human beings really? the largest proportion of the living things maybe. but one might ask, are we truly the best, the smartest? i certainly beg to differ. for i feel humans are the most discontented lot amongst all beings.
why are we all so disgruntled? why are we all so unhappy? so troubled, and all? what are we exactly so dissatisfied with about our lives.
humans are greedy. too greedy that is. the most greedy of the lot of beings. thats why most of us would be discontented. we ask too much; think too little. often we take upon ourselves as beings superior to say animals. but is that really so? if humans were to be not so greedy, would the world be a better place then? or just let us go to somewhere only we know?

maybe im right- melancholy has got to me yet again. but the funny thing is i dont take a negative view towards it. perhaps i even welcome the feel of it. like its part of me, lost once, but found again. although i dont know if its a good thing, nor do i know whether it would be here to stay. but until my heart can truly state its worth towards this long-time fiend of mine, i'd like for it to stay.
because its much easier this way than having to wear so many thousand masks every single second. i hate to face the world i dont like to go out. only because i dont wanna have to wear so many thousand layers of mask and stand thr smiling laughing feeling so alienated every single second. because i dont like to plaster a fake smile on my lips and face. because i dont like to display my emotions so lucidly. because i like to keep a straight face. and i dont really like communication at large. because i have nothing much to say at all. and i dont have so much reserves to tap on to have to burn my cells to think of ways to communicate. and i dont like the feeling of having pairs of eyes boring into me. whether kind or unkind. and i dont like to mix with people much. even my family can be too much of a hassle for me at times. i much prefer the quietness the peace. the tranquility. i like having the whole space to myself. and although the quietness can be so deafening at times, i'd still rather this than noise. cause the noise is too much for me to handle. so i say silence is better. like at night i dont sleep and i just stare into space or watch the night go by. taking in every single noise in the silent night. not restless but ever so watchful. and know why i dont like going out and to stay at home? cause home is the only place whr i can allow my guard to lax a little. cause i dont feel like im ready to take on the whole world. in that little room of mine, with much fondness, its been my place of solace, allowing me to vent my pent up emotions. the walls are my best friend, cause they wont speak. and my secrets are safe with them. just as with my stuffed stufx. smokey the cat; and my 2 heart cushions; and my green square cushion; and the white rectangular pillow; and my regular pillow. stars which surround me my 4stars; polaris. my wind chime. its these little things that allow me to breathe a little. songs and quotes which i find a place in; pics which i could damn well relate to.
its always that few songs which make you breakdown no matter how many times you've listened to it. those verses of quotes which aches your heart no matter how many times you've read it. the only thing is it doesnt matter what hurt it does to you, you still just have to listen to it and read it over and over and over and over again. just to feel it all over again. to make yourself whole again. like the scar heals a little, but you rip the wound open just to feel.
我还能奢求什么，这样的我又是多么可悲。。。

*end note* i dont know what set me to write such a immensely sad piece. but thats what my mind wants to tick, and my hands want to type. so yea. and i wanna get back to writing a diary. literally. physically. we'll see.

168` an otherwise surreal dream....

haven been diligiously updating my blog huh. so because of some reasons, this entry is supposed to be good. lets just wait and see shall we?

but i also haven been studying for this week. its just routinely slacking and time wasting and whatnots. goodness gracious. and thing is my panic level hasnt sunk in high yet. ohhhoho, sheesh. and the weekends will most prob be goner anyway. then again, ask myself: "whats new?" LOL

studies apart. there are just some things which are so unforgettable perhaps. are YOU really that unforgettable? because if not, why haven i been able to forget? shiaks la pls. the dream is just too real. it was almost as good as true. i want so much to believe what you said in the dream are really what you feel inside. but sadly enough, it was only a conjured illusion on the part of my mind. so yes, things will still remain like how we are in reality. 'dim hang dim guor' (sorry la, my spellings for canto cannot make it can. though you can question my intentions of not letting you know what it is maybe? lmao!)

so woookie, that aside as well. FLMP! awwww, i HEART FLMP like idk how many billion tonnes. hehheh=p the guy just called my to say i could go down and exchange my hand phone strap VIP id for the newest VIP BLACK CARD. ohsocool! yes yes yes yes yes! im a happy girl now. i rmb telling weicong (hes a fellow FLMP VIP as well) that time that i wanted the BLACK CARD!! the first time i saw the new promo for VIP black card. i was like damn shiat, i wanna get THAT luhh! ahahah, dream come true. oh whee. soo great eh?
randomly: i miss taking neoprints! like ROFL. hahaha, but i just miss luh. and that ms PINK-y partner of mine has gone MIA. grrrrr. but hope she's fine la..
another random (or maybe not so after all): i wanna go SHOPPING! rawrr, whrs my shopping time?!! okay, go exchange my BLACK CARD for FLMP VIP, then go buy my that eyed-for-quite-long bag.

hehheh, FLMP! <3s
and i oh-no caught a flu. but dont take away the rain, like prettilypls.. ahahaah

167`3

well, since im at it, might as well put all rights? hurhur

tan yenyen. our ex-FMA lecturer. shes SUPER CUTEsy pls. =))
& we crashed her room. ahah!

oh ho ho, i'll get killed by jaren. LMAO! VIVO CITY girl!
*edited*
okays, took 2pics having JAREN'S FACE out. see, told cha i'd get killed by YOU. hhur. relax la, im also inside! ahahahaha.

167`2









im lazy to put photo captions. HEH HEH

167`1