83`me

shucks, im feeling low again. and i admit, listening to YOSHIKI's pieces dont help at all.

tell me how i can get you out of my mind. i dont wanna drive myself crazy. things were actually going on fine between us, until you decided you had enough, and put a stop to it all. so now am i supposed to leave your world and move on? or stay to hear what you have to say? but you arent telling me anything at all. you just shut me out of your world, you push me out from the inside. and i tell you, it hurts. but yar, no my heart isnt broken. because i haven given it to you. and you were not prepared to catch me when i fall also. so i let it leave as the way it goes now. but why are those meagre memories i had of you/us so difficult to forget? every time when i thought i was getting better, those memories suddenly become filmstrip, and flash through my mind, invading my thoughts. and my heart still feels that little something. my heart still tugs a little, when im thinking of you. when i think of ecp when i think of esplanade when i think of coffeebean when i think of starbucks. tell me how i forget about you. because it just isnt nice to have to think of us the way we once were, and suddenly everything we had transpiring between us just gone like that. and reality cut me back to square one, and im faced with knowing we can never get back to what it was before. because even if you had wished and tried to make us go back, it would never be the same again. sometimes when things are gone or lost, no matter how hard you try, it wouldnt come back to the same like before. and yes, i dont know why you're acting the way you are, but im gonna cut you out of my life, like how you did yours. so if it suddenly got to you how we once were, the little things, the places we'd gone to, sorry to say. once i leave, i dont look back. thats how i live my life by. guy, you dont know how much i wished us to be true. i also dont know why you make me feel the way i do, but guess thats something unexplainable. maybe because you're so like me. maybe because i couldnt control my heart and mind enough not to think of you. but yes, dont worry. because im that tough, when i see you face to face or even behind, you wont see any trace of it in my face. and ill be hard as ice. because what you do wont have anything to do with me anymore. and we're nothing but mere acquaintances. yes, thats how i would want us to be. so its okay. not before long, ill be alright. and maybe you'd miss me, maybe not. thats not gonna affect me anyhow. so yeps, you no longer have to say the words i need to know- stay or go. because now its me cutting you out of my life. because im so tired of having to guess whats your true feelings to me. i so dont wanna play the game. anyway, as my so-suited-for-me blogskin: "i dont know how to love, i dont wanna break my own heart." well, thats the reason i chose this rights? lmao. so yea, it sums up everything for me basically.
because i dont wanna break my own heart, so i choose not to love. anyways, i seriously dont know how. so, i guard my heart so tightly. and i close myself up. i dont let anyone get that near to me. to try and enter my heart. but maybe im so tired of everything all i want is for someone to understand all the turmoil going on inside of me. grrrr, im pissed with myself luhh. shiats! seriously i sound like some small and soft and weak girl. crying for the one who dont give a damn about me. wtheck? so yes, i will cut you out of my life. and i will stand taller than before, just you watch me. i will. because cheryl is always so strong. =))

alrights, so much so for whining rambling ranting whatsoever, im okay now! lalala~