okay, im lazy and tired so i didnt update.. whats news man. lmao! :p

wed26apr. we played badminton!! it was SUPER FUN i tell you. hahas.. =)) had a great time.. and i played for 3hrs okay. hurrs.. super nice la.. actually it was our dba1b02 guys playing.. then in the end, my new classmates joined us too! and im glad they did. hee.. desmond, chee heng, leomund, pei fen, esther.. they played.. it was great laa.. and yes, peifen damn pro okay. hahas.. dont play play with her sia.. ho hos.. then in the end of the whole retail grp only chan tong came to play with us la.. still chan tong the best. muahahahas.. :p then hmm, 1pm then we stopped playing altogether.. then went to refresh ourselves.. and cihang eil came to find me.. then i went to far east with cihang.. i love the badminton! at night, our class ppl chatted on msn.. whoa, it was super luan4 can. hahas.. got like 8participants, talking like mad.. i was so lost in the beginning.. and that weicong kept nudging laa. and shikai kept playing the guitar smash.. and all followed.. urgh! lmao.. but thats funny. =)
thurs27apr. dumb gems at 8am. when my class only starts at 12pm originally. grrr. im piffed la. hahas.. luckily desmond also had gems.. esther too. i arranged to meet desmond at the mrt to walk together.. then after our gems we went back to fc6.. and spent the next two hours thr. crapping and what not. lOls.. and oh yarr, cause we both had movie tics.. mine was cathay free admission; his was golden village 2.50 off a tic. then he said we two go watch movies. two in a row. lmao! crap guy la.. hahas! finally it was near 12 la.. so we went up for rwps.. oh gosh, we had to present la.. and i think the three of us got a heart-attack then man. cause we asked jude to present. and he gave us a shock of our lives? the way he phrased was like he was the one who did all the work, he claimed all credit. oh great, shikai and i did the dirty job and he gets the credit? i cant believe it. oh well, nvm.. ive met too much of this kind of ppl anyway.. so yarr sal, jasin, even weixin were like disbelieving his words.. and they told us, hes too much to say like that. hurr.. others know better okay. =) so yups, 1hr break.. then we were like gossiping away bout jude and weixin la. hahas.. then pscm lecture.. oh, eddie ong's lecture can be listed the most boring lecture can? i fell asleep la. boo`` always see video.. dumb guy. grrr.. during mr i so energetic liaos.. see how boring pscm lecture can be? oh well, anyway.. wadever..
fri28apr. i was sooooo tired that i woke up Late! and yes, i skipped blaw lecture. And rwps tutorial.. shucks man.. =( thats not good okay.. so in the end, i went to school only for the last two lectures for two hours. bahhh` lame can. but no choice la.. that dumb mr lecturer, cant dont go one. hahas.. and weixin isnt one who helps to mark ppl present one. so yeps, i went. but hmms, its okay.. at least then i wont have toooo much to copy the next week. ho hos.. :p and at night, whoa, i talked on the phone with chong lee for like 2++ hrs la.. until 3+am okay! tired ahh.. hahas.. in the end i didnt catch up with what shi lin chee heng they'all were chatting bout. lOls..
today29apr. i slacked the whole of today. ydae night ah xiong called me. omgosh. hahas.. yar la, then he asked me to go out today. no thanks. lols.. i wanna chiong my book. then tmr go return. and maybe tmr we're going out for lunch.. and eil asked me mon wanna go shopping. hehx.. i want my flesh imp tees luhh.. and whoever buys me the EMI With Love album. =) haas!

im still tired ehh. bahh``

i haven updated. i didnt realise. lOls.. so tired laa.. i think im falling sick- again. yes, thats dumb okay. =( i need to sweat it out tmr i guess.. but im lazy to go school even. blarhhh~

sun.23apr. shopping day with mum! muahahaha.. :p whole family went to far east Han's eat lunch.. then dad and kor went off to bugis each. so i shopped with mum. lalala~ didnt really buy that much things la.. jackets for the both of us, my metallic kitten heel pumps.. then i paid for my tee and earrings. hmms.. then yeps, i took mummy to take neoprints with me! yay`` finally i have a neoprint with my mummy lur.. kekes =p super nice can? lalala.. mum and i, lmao.. =))) then we reached home at bout erhh, 10+.. neoprints! =] muacks to mummy.
mon.24apr. super tired can.. i didnt exactly sleep the night before ehh.. went to bed at bout 1am. but think in the end i only really dozed off at 4+.. big BOO can. PSCM tutorial was boring as expected la.. eddie ong, what else to expect right? lmao. then ken kwan tutoring for QA.. lab session also not bad. then i blur can.. i thought chong lee's break is the same time as mine.. but isnt! haas.. paiseh laa, i gong luhh. kekes :p cause im supposed to return him his books.. then BLAW tutorial was good. cause i love law thingies.. so our lecturer also told us a lot of extra things.. like those law related stuffs which we dont have to know? cool. i love that. hahas.. interested in law sia.. =) hmm, then waited for chong lee to pass him the books and went home-y.
today.25apr. melissa char's bday. lOls.. i wore heels to school la. feels weird somehow. lol.. but its only kitten heels. bahhh~ MR tutorial wasnt too bad. hahas.. and the lecturer called me twice to present okay! hurr.. oh wells, nvm.. i shall present! =) boring lehs.. haix.. think maybe its my fatigue acting up.. cause i feel super tired and lack of energy alrights. and i really dont wanna go school tmr. haas! lazy la. just go for 2hrs then dismiss.. stupid can. but oh well, i should go and sweat it out tmr with the guys. so yeps.. and yarr la, mummy la. asked me to go far east tmr to collect her jacket. blarh.... and she cant take leave, if not i go down with her tmr.. sian la.. find ppl pei me go down tmr. but like nobody lor.. grrr.. im pissed can. =( troublesome sia...

im ranting due to my tiredness. oh wells, off now.

lalala. i dont know what to write exactly. hahas! but yeaps, i just out of nowhere had a thought i deserve better.. muahahahhas..
anyways, im going shopping with my dear mummy tmr. hohos.. but i cant really spend that much money. sadded.. but im paying for my buys la. hahas! so long for tmr! :p
erhh, well.. nothing to say for today.. just that i need more songs already. im so sick of the songs in my itunes. lmao!
ohh, i totally forgot to mention my shopping with cihang ydae. lOls.. we went orchard after school. shopped at far east. whr i bought one tee(Nice!), jeans, and a demin jacket. yepps.. the jeans store i frequent so often in the past opened le4.. and that girl still recognises me man.. so good ehh she.. =)) yepps, i was thr browsing. then she called out to me.. said she was keeping a lookout for me always. and she knows japanese luhh.. she said she lived in japan for years last time.. pretty and smart! =)) hahas.. that is what i call good salesgirl. =)

shit man.. im so freaking broke! i need LOTS of money okay.. hurr.. not kidding la.. i still have got like TONNES of things to buy. and i dont have money at all now. how am i supposed to survive also? shucks, thats REAL BAD. ='(( i haven bought my shoes yet. and clothes. and bags. and accessories. and whatever.. i seriously need to go find a job. and work my ass off, to earn money. who has nice jobs to intro?? pls.. pretty pls? lmao!
yes. i wanna buy a puma/nike duffel bag; addidas jacket; many many pairs of jeans; many skirts as well; pumps; heelies; sandals; sling bags; crisp jackets; davidoff cool water perfume for women; emi with love album; flesh imp tops; long sleeved tops; nice tees; earrings; and so on and so forth........ etc etc etc etc..... yeas, see. i NEED money!!! sighs.. why cant i be born rich or what. lols..
anyway, i shall continue tmr.. very tired now already..

hohos. yepps. another entry for today. hehx.. ermm, i forgot to mention some things la, hence yea.
first bout our class rep. he is a good class rep lor.. as ive prob already mentioned.. he is efficient, responsible. but for some reason or another, the ppl in my class treats him like dirt. thats bad ehh.. so mean right.. like yar, so he's mostly just alone.. like so what ehh.. feel sorry for him sia.. but jasin, sal, i think bernice too, we think he's alright wadd.. yes, he has a different style but that doesnt make him sinner does it? ho. but yar laa. he is those kind of quite autocratic kind de4, but just reason out with him and thr you go right? hmms.. that shikai la.. super bad to him can. dots.. acting like what lidat.. his reaction of disapprovement of our class rep is seriously too much lor.. like its too super overrated or something. even jasin and sal said so okay. hurr.. so much so for that huh. lmao! hmms, hope our class be mixing together more. but seems like its so. then it'll be good. =)

and yea.. i freaking need lots of money laa!! sobbies. i wanna buy so many stufx! urghh.. bluddy broke can. humpfh! ='(( okay, i'll list down ALL(or almost all. haas!)
-flesh imp tees
-long sleeved tops
-jackets
-skirts
-jeans
-khaki pants
-heelies
-wedges
-pumps
-sandals
-shoes
-dangling earrings
-ear studs
-necklaces
-belts
-watches
-bangles
-bags
see, freaking whole lot right? and each point i want many! hees, im that greedy luhh. so i can die la.. someone please give me money. LOTS of it too. lmao! haix.. thats why i put at my msn nick: i wish i were some rich man's daughter. haas! sians la.. think i have to go do pt job. then still can shop. ho hos.. =p who have lobang to intro? and i need mags to pass time. and i wanna buy the ah mei new album lehs.. like nice lar.. and that emi album which puts together songs from various drama serials de4.. thats Nice, i can say. i want all, can?? =\ yea, and i saw advert. l'oreal has the new generation of double extension mascara le4.. hohos.. =p maybe i will get that? but oh well, doesnt matter that much.

i hadnt update for tues i just realised.. hahas.. ydae i was so tired that i didnt go online. man, i just went through my work the info then slept at 12+am. hmm, thats supposed to be good! =))

tues 18apr. erhh, i cant really rmb already? but yea.. morning two straight lectures in mlt10. then break. then mr tutorial. haas! the lecturer was erh, cool? lols.. hes strict la.. abides by the sP rules like nothing. lol.. weicongs hair already short liao he still ask him to cut. then ppl wearing slippers(flipflops) also kenna. then he said he doesnt like girls wearing sleeveless. so everything has to have sleeves. lmao! then we must wear our lanyard luh! omgosh. hahas.. and hes got an accent. but its not that bad anyway. hes some kind of weird person i guess? but i think hes nice la.. and oh yar, he gave us homework. hurr. and we were released way early. so the guys suggested going to the guild house to chill. but shikai and i went with sal to do her bursary thingy first. then jasin called us up to say they(dba1b02) were in the study area.. so we went thr instead. haas! i miss my fellow ex-classmates la..=\ it was then raining damn heavily can. thunder loud and clear.. ewww. haas! then my class had fma lecture by tan yen yen. hahas..

wed 19apr. lame can. weds we only have to go to school for 2freaking hours only. can might as well pon the day right? bahh` before 10am we were dismissed already. so the five of us in our class went to mac for breakfast. then i called cihang they all join. but they all machiam bluddy slow coaches lor.. haas! so in the end, only i went to find them at fc6. but after a while i went to the cca at sports hall thr to take a look with angela, zhong wei, jiahui and cihang. hmms.. then they had their lessons at 12. anyway, i had to find chong lee to take books from him. haas! the local author who penned the three books- i believe you, destiny cries, and you are here. so yeps, i didnt know whr T14 was. so i met him at fc5 thr. and i saw lao ba and jiani there. so i stood with them. hehehes.. then i had a laughing fit with them loh.. kekekes.. nice.. with janicia too after that. but too bad i couldnt go coffeebean with lao ba. =[ i miss coffee, i miss those times. but anyway, i reached home early la can.. still only 2+pm. hahas..

today 20apr. early in the morning 8am i went for the stupid gems class. -.-'' damn stupid lor.. sighs, now i regret not putting the darned gems on fri 1-3pm slot.. grrrr.. i was like yawning away in his class la.. and i was alone.. =( but the lecturer damn lame can. hahas.. oh well, and we are supposed to form groups. with who? lol.. and i think he like didnt call my name? or i missed it. and i forgot to go tell him. oh wadever.. i was so tired i thought of ponn-ing the rest of today. but i didnt still. good. so i went to the library to read my book and flip through mags. urghh, damn sian la can. finally 12pm. stupidity mans.. report writing and ppt skills class. group work, so jude came and asked to join us. cool. so my grp has jude, shikai, bernice and myself. haas! and that jude is funny la.. lOls.. he came late, cause he woke up late due to a hangover. and he told me he still had it then. hoh os.. but he has so many ideas la.. hahas.. he came up with one idea. to make an alcoholic ice kachang and offer it at those high-end pubs. cool right? hmm, then was lunch.. i think our class is starting to miggle around la. so, well, thats good. hee.. and then pscm lecture. together with the retail, marketing, and tourism guys. its a get-together session! but our lecture is super duber slow can. idiot cow sia. hahas.. then eil they all ended at 4 but we had one hour of mr lecture still. but all's well.. =)) keep it up! hahahaas..


i was in the dbit library just now when i updated. so its like quite weird? hehx.. yarr, so i just didnt wanna type out. hurr.. i must have freaking lots of privacy la.

oh well. what can i say. today first day of school. hmm, can consider it not bad ba.. haha.. my class has quite many guys too. lOls.. and our class rep is damn efficient can! whoa, super fast speed one. lmao! yea, and he like one person play the role of 3ppl la.. good right? lOls.. but yes, we need to pay 20bucks for our lecture notes. hurr, when im broke. good. =( early dismissal and breaks. haas! met up with eil they'all during one of our breaks. nice.. hahas.. then i think blaw should be quite alright. cause the teacher, who is also our ptm, seems not bad. haws! then we got ken kwan and tan yen yen with us this sem too. then yeps, chee heng and rex from 01 is in the same class as us too. i think our class should be alright? hahas.. oh yea, we have one classmate, he's mixed until siao one. haa! dutch, indonesian, chinese, malay blarh. omgosh~ ahahs.. but he is smart? have a family lawyer one la, dont crazy k. hurr..
ken kwan's lesson will be full of lameness la.. hahas.. but thats better? haas! and he said i look like a funky lady luhh.. like wtheck. haas! oh well, nvm. hehx

then we waited for eil they'all to release. then went to city hall milenia walk. edwin and cihang was with us too. hmm, i guess the job's okay la.. seems like okay to me. haas! later on then i make notes of it laa.. tired sia. sighs.. yea, the ppl. seem quite alright laa most of them. like all the girls are chio one okay! got callibre lehs. lOls.. then but got a bunch of bimbos. seriously la.. act lian, bitchy and whatnots. oh, come on man.. hahas.. got one, the maggie. piangs, her make up is Thick okay! and she yaps the most of them de4. lOls.. everyone was like omgod. hahas.. then the person-i/c also like cant stand lidat. lOls.. oh well, nvm.. and oh yea, what coincidence, we saw kelvin and his two other friends at marina la! haas! then kelvin came over to talk to edwin and he started of with a vulgarity. like wthell. haas! funny can. hurr..

we didnt go to flesh imp in the end, cause eil has to rush off to meet xinzi ouyang they all to celebrate ouyang's birthday. happy birthday to her! =) yea.. and just now eil told me cant go buy le4.. hurr, she spent all the money liao la.. lmao! oh well.. sian.. next time loh..

and yes, i saw kah hung la.. first was i took the lift. the door opened only he was standing in my direction straight la. lols.. then yea, i was blur can.. i thought he was in DBA. then i wanted to sell him my stats book. hurr.. but turned out his in DBIT. dots.. no lobang liao. sadded. i wanna get money shop la.. i need to buy my clothes leh. sighs.. whatever mans im feeling down now? bahh`

hmmm.. ive got like nothing to write la.. so maybe i wont even post it up. but just type for fun. cause im having my break now and i have nothing to do. haas!

its boring.. bahh.. school starts. and im super bored can. humpfh!

ydae was a slack at home day for me. but mum hogged on the comp for the whole day. shucks man.. i ended up watching the programme-less tv the whole day. hohos.. so not fun sia..
then i chiong my dvd.. hohos.. but i still have a good 10episodes left now. nvm..

and today. later after school im goonna go to town. for the job briefing.. only left with eil, sk and me.. so sad.. haas! oh well, nvm.. im off.

i dont care to blog. lOls.. no la.. im just too tired to still blog. cause as you might already know, my entries are always like super long or something? lmao!

wed. 12apr. shopping with eil. super frenzy can? haas! as usual, i bought so many stufx. like omg. hahas.. im too blurddy a spendthrift le4? i buy all those small insignificant items leh.. hahas.. too bad la.. im such a sucker for accessories and such, really. so yups, let me recount. i bought a pair of shades, which was Nice=); earrings; dumbell, like finally lol; flesh imp tees which were darned nice too! i think thats it. but yarr, im like near broke now already? heh. we went to Han's for our lunch.. i love the food there man.. nice. and yaa, sorry eil.. im such a late queen. hurrs.. sorry girl.. =\ then our last stop at orchard was delifrance bistro. ho hos.. eil ate tuna croissant, and i ordered an iced cafe mocha.. and that was superbly nice la! cool.. now im gonna order that as a must- order at delifrance bistros :p hmms, then we went to addidas shop at city hall too. haaas.. oh yea.. when we were at heeren the crossroads right, it somehow seemed to me that all the vehicles were speeding lehs. i dont know, maybe its just my eyes and brain playing tricks on me. but its like seriously weird la? the first time i know its for true, cause idk they are filming or wadd.. then continuously after that, all the vehicles are speeding. no joking alrights. or izzit im crazy? hawws! and theres some real not-a-good-guy guys outside heeren. and i do believe they werent up to any good. lmao! im that bad la.. hahahas.. oh well, nvm those. that day was quite weird in fact. lols.. cause the time seems to be fraction-ing. like we shopped many places so long, yet its still early. funny ehh? and oh, i was wearing my crisp jacket i bought previously from LPZone. haas! i know its nothing, but i dont feel erhh, right? haas, im just too self conscious. but nahh, im gotta change! whee~ =) but its nice wearing that. haas! and yarr, on the way home via mrt. got a guy asked to be friends with me la.. like wthell? freaky can? like urghhh. then from jurong east he keep talking to me, and he asked for my no. but i said no, but he gave me his no instead. and even alighted at bukit batok with me. man.. he wanted dinner with me. hell NO!! -.-'' urgh, gives me the creeps. enough said bout it. so anyways, im loving flmp now? ho hos.. their tees are like super comfy la.. i like it. cause its super soft, and its long enough. haas! nice.....
oh yea, early in the morning i was buzzed up by my mummy. haas! she sms-ed me saying she saw some nice bags at our house downstairs. and she asked if i was interested to go down have a look. 9+am only leh. hurr.. but im glad i went down. cause thats how i got to buy my 2 new shoulder bags! =)) and im loving them la.. muahahahhas.. its Nice :p and yups, my money went to there too. hahas.. and yes, i want more! ho hos..

thurs. 13apr. i stayed home. haas! cause my right knee's giving me much pain? shit laa, i think its hurt. hmm.. but nvm that. i wont die. haas! half my bodys having disfunctional probs anyway. lmao!! :p and yar, the 7pm show is at its second last episode. hohos.. my that cool cool cool guy. tan yao wen. oh my gosh, he IS FREAKING HANDSOME can???? macho. oh so cool. im gaga-ing over him for like since forever. hehx.. he is that good. =)

fri. 14apr. today. its good friday today. which means public holiday. and i went out for lunch with mum and dad. to chinatown point. for bak kut teh. ho hos.. so long we didnt go thr to eat le4.. its so darned nice. hahahas.. i love the black soya sauce they have thr.. only stall with the special dark sauce. and yes, i am weird. cause i eat my rice with A LOT of that dark sauce mixed to it. only for bak kut teh rice purposes. lmao! =] but i wasnt hungry. or its like these two or three days i dont have much appetite to eat. like, food doesnt even appeal to me. not even my tidbits or anything. ho hos.. but yepps, how can i not eat right? lols.. then i went to do a little shopping with my mummy. but it wasnt half fun at all. bahhh` there arent anything nice for us to see. and shes like thinking bout her work, so her mind isnt here. grrr. kill her job somebody! hehx.. but anyway, i already booked her. on mothers day. haas! i told her we two go shopping on mothers day. hehehes.. actually we had intended to go orchard to shop today. but it rained. =( haas. so nvm.. we will go. lalala~ and we were good okay, we didnt buy anything at all. haas! =p

hmm, lifes so good now. haas! mentality does it! =)) so yepps. im gonna embrace life or something from now on. hahas. LG=lifes good. =D

oh yea my flmp tees right. the gold prints were like so dead now. haas.. i washed them, and the end-result was this.. awww.. darned man.. maybe it couldnt take bleach? shits man.. but anything. im hecking. haas.. no, its cause i have no choice? like i cant make the gold bits come back stick on right? haas! and yes, im gonna buy more of flmp tees and get the VIP card. hehs.. gonna go down town with eil on mon. ho ho hos.. =)

and yes, i got a job. for five days starting 24apr. some promoter-like job. i dont fancy promoter jobs, but hell. the pays Good okay. so i heck la.. 15bucks per hour. thats cool right? hahas.. but the drawback is they want us to wear tennis skirts. like wtheck? >.<'' weird? and where to find? but nvm. the pay is what draws me in anyway. haas! im a bitch for money cannot meh? lmao!

and one thing. i put the flmp at zouk at my msn msg. and everyones like asking me i go zouk ahh. hur hur hur. nahh, i dont club. i dont go out at night. cause i much prefer the comfort of my homey, than bathing in second hand smoke at those places. although i admit, i love second hand smoke. especially from that of marlboro ciggies. and i dont fancy paying la. lols.. wasting money only. haas! but this one i might go ehh. hohos.. lets see how la.. i bet i wont go anyway. =p

im gonna chiong my dvd. i haven even reached watching 5episodes of it la.. and schools starting. on freaking MON. thats only 1day away!! shit. =( i hate. hahas.. lifes like that. you will have things you dont want to learn/do but have to learn/do. so yarr.. thats life la.

oh yea, and that chong lee.. hes a funny nice guy? hahas.. he was that bored ydae night that he asked me if i wanted supper, he ride bicycle come my house here eat with me. ho ho hos.. and he said he da bao for me even. lols.. super funny la. haas! =p thanks guy, but nahh, i dont do supper. hehx..

okays.. i go chiong my dvd. urghh! nights!

*warning* its all such a big mess in this entry. one part saying my depressed, the other im all fine. lmao! its like random thoughts and i just pluck whatever i feel and type my ass of it. so yea.. its a huge contradiction on my part. :p

im just feeling a bit off mood now. hmms, due to having 'witnessed' my sec school friend's change.. i mean its a good one la.. but it made me think i was the one who withdrew everything from my life? like i was getting more of a recluse each day.. and now she's become stronger in comparison.. and im so much paler that way.. it doesnt sit so well with my ego? okay, not ego. but just something. i dont know what. hahas..

i was the strong girl.. i am still one now.. but fact is i only hide beneath my masks and cower behind my shell.. what people see are only facade. its all a guise.. to hide and mask my uneasiness, my fears, my flaws, my apprehensiveness towards people or situations or unfamiliar things.. outside, im the big girl- knowing everything, being sensible (enough), know when to say and do the right things, being ever so strong, brave and tough. but maybe i dont wanna be all that at all? maybe im just so tired of all this bullshit, all i wanna do is to cut away the pain? maybe i just want to be someone my age. somewhr between adolescent. be how others my age would actually be? my life seems to be so picture perfect, but is it even somewhr remotely near it? yar, "the only things people can ever know about you are the ones you let them see." so, i never ever let ppl see the true me. my true life. lalala~ someone ever told me, or asked me rather. she said how come it seems like your life is so perfect? like no problems lidat.. hohos.. oh yea.. ive never had problems in my life.. i WISH. lmao! okay, im drifting?
who actually knows the insider? "so many assume; so little know." thats a nice phrase you know. ive got at least a dozen phrases so suited for this situation. lmao! and im like gonna throw in a few maybe. lOls..

so, yar.. the reason i dont want to go out? i dislike the fact that i have to take the trouble getting ready, dressed, primmed. then travel to the place. lOls.. if only we had instant dressing up and then teleporting. cool ehh? and i was never at ease being alone outside. for some warped reason, i feel that everyones staring at me for being alone. or like im sticking out like some sore thumb. yes, i never feel comfortable being in a massive crowd. scares the hell out of me. im afraid of crowds la pls.. a small crowd and i go omgosh. lmao. yes, perhaps i fear people in general. maybe i mildly autistic. (whats the actual term?) i shun people. out of fear and anxiety. cause i tend to distrust people. a lot. thats why i dont even tell people anything at all? lols.. yea, give me a novel a vcd dvd show tv mags newspapers anytime and ill gladly not go out. haas..
dysthymia, the scientific term they call it. haas.. another form of depression, but not that bad. lOls.. i know i cant carry on like this, and im not the only one feeling this way. but hey, ill take time(longtime) to get out of this thing. but oh well, ill never be not alright. cause the cheryl/jiawen can take on anything. anything at all. throw anything in the way and ill still survive that all. =]

to others, i will seem like im a tough girl. im brave. im strong. i am.. really. but i have my weak moments too? and all i need is for someone who actually knows somethings wrong even when i have my biggest smile plastered on my face? someone to tell me im not okay even when i tell the world im alright?
shit, i sound sooo freaking emo in this entry. bahhh~ so not good. =(

i really want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all. maybe im just tired of acting so strong.

or, maybe i just want that strong girl back. i need it. so now, i will do something. like erhh.. well, ill think of that.. but to quote my friend: 'if you wanna have fun you must be daring and sociable right?' okay, lol.. so ill be more extroverted? whatever.. lols.. thats something to think of some other time. lmao! procrastinator didnt i say myself as?

but yes. i did promise myself. "i want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken and the one who could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own." so i WILL be THAT girl. =) so yes, i will get over.

and im fine already. hahas.. after ranting for such a long page. i shall rest my case. cause i need to sleep and shop tmr with eil! lmao! nights all

ho hos.. raining now.. just now was like super heavy rain la.. plus thunder somemore. =x oh my gosh.. hahas.. but i just love the rain. hees..

the rain, a good book, hot cocoa. the best combination ever.. =))

may the rain be heavier!! haas.. but go easy on the thunder la huh.. lmao!

lalala.. saturdays. okays, im mad? gonna go back to my book.

hohos.. been reading some online novels from the net. super funny. but heart-warming in a way. =) hees.. and i like can feel for female lead in the stories la.. lmao!

oh wells, after all. i know myself best rights? hehx.. im really not speaking enough. too introverted already la.. hahas.. like yaa. i speak, to my family.. and well, thats about all? lOls.. speaking and typing are two different things after all. hurrs.. like i know la.. but idk, i just dont quite like to talk to other ppl.. told ya im weird already. no doubts :p so okays, i will speak? lOls.

hmms.. i still have to make a trip to westmall to return that darned library book la.. siansssssss. =\ i dont like to go out. hahas! cause i dont like to have to get ready, dress up, travel thr.. blarh.. lOls.. suffering from dysthymia i think. hehx. but i know im definitely not alone anyways..

whatever, im so random. lmao! and yepps, i need my bag, clothes, earrings, shoes. everything. =)

hmms, nothing much to write about anyways.. but the fact that i have no more dvd serials to chiong and i rather stay in my room than be in the same space as him. so i blog lor.. lOls.. and im sick of all the songs in my itunes. urghh!

shit, im fuming. with myself.. hahas.. like wtheck right? lmao! cause im thinking why did i cut my hair? dumb move la.. hahas.. now my goal to longer hair has yet again been chopped off further.. duhh.. shit mans.. hahas.. now its so freaking short that i cant tie it!! urghh! i hate that i cannot tie my hair.. lOls.. donnoe why, but i really prefer tying my hair.. hahs.. told ya im weird right? =p cause my hairstylist cut my hair real bob, and a lot shorter.. sobs.. i cant tie my hair.. blarh.. lOls.. anybody wanna introduce me to some ways to make my hair grow super fast those kind? hehx.. "p

next thing.. ppl really freak me out. serious! donnoe la.. maybe ive got so many fears and what nots.. like agoraphobia.. and i fear ppl too.. like i dont quite like to be near ppl.. erhh, i dont know how to describe la.. i once read someone's blog.. she's like me too.. but she's worst, literally.. she said even when ppl go near her she will be darned nervous already.. and she has to rehearse god knows how many times to just speak one ordinary sentence.. so, yup im not that bad.. haas! but yes, i dont like to talk on the phone. cause i have nothing to say at all! lOls.. but of course, with my dear dear friends i dont mind la. lOls.. and so that further illustrates why i said i can go be some nun, recluse, or hermit. hehx.. =}

oh yaa.. before i forget to write it in again.. friday ill be meeting up with my dear ex-teckwahers.. hahas.. my student gang la.. not the perms at thr.. hohos.. yulin IMed me ydae ask me free anot.. hohos.. cool.. anticipating to meet them! =) like damned difficult to meet up as a whole bunch can.. everyones so busy with their own lives.. only lao ba and me closest de4.. lalala~ lao ba! best le4.. hehes.. :p so, yeps.. but yulin said she wanna go town shopping.. haas! whereas lao ba and i only wanna go westmall or somewhr nearby.. lOls.. but we said let her decide la.. so we'll see! =)

i wanna go shopping with cihang! grr, that girl is too busy le4 can. hurr.. and eil! before school starts, i gonna get my shoulder bag, skirt?, jeans, jackets, tops, and those darned weights. haas!

my hair colour is like.. super bright? donnoe, im still not used to it.. haas.. seems weird.. in place of my previous hair colour.. cause i super like my previous colour can.. hahas.. but to quote my lao ba- change is good. sometimes. hahas.. so yeps.. lets see how it goes ba..

gems.. hohos.. i just went to see the list.. oh well, i shall stop being afraid to join gem alone.. i will just choose what i want and like. humpfh! lmao! tmr's registration already.. and yeps, i still dont know whether my course (SCM) is must take 2gems in the semester or what la.. oh well. see how la.. hahas..

my entries are always long. lOls.. =) peace out.

so okay, i haven update for some days already.. so be prepared to see a super long entry. and its 4apr today. and its my 44th entry. so that makes it a double four thingy now.. hehe.. my fave no. 44.. =)

for starters- i cut my hair on thursday. shit la.. the trim became a cut. see, i told ya right.. i cannot even go trim my hair.. cause it WILL end up becoming a cut instead. hurr.. so now i've got short hair again.. freak it la.. =( i want long hair!!!!!! alrights, so now. i must make myself NOT go to the salon for at least 4months. humpfh! =(
anyways, mum permed her hair again too. now its digital spa perm.. ho hos.. the whole of thursday mum and i were delifranc-ing. hahas.. =p thats nice.. but think i would prefer the delifrance at westmall better.. lmao!

friday- mum was supposed to go back to office. but she didnt.. bad mum. haas! anyway, thats good too. let her rest more la.. my poor mummy is too freaking stressed already. yepps, so we had a vcd laughing session the day. hohos.. =)

sat- okays, some details la.. cycled for i think 3-4 bluddy hours at ubin.. dont even ask me why okay. frigging pissed. hurrs. to think i got that still. just blast them all to hell? ahahs.. im (not) that evil.. but oh well, seriously i mean its such a grave misunderstanding on maybe everyones part. and i got the shot for it. and someone i thought to be my FRIEND ganged up to do that to me. nice move there.. im not dumb you know.. i know what they were all aiming at that whole day. the dinner. the actions. the sentences. all the stufx; all and all. i can read between the lines thank you very much. you give me more credit la please. and come on, get real. i have my guy already.. i treat you as a platonic friend, that much only. you are thinking too much? or its the way i treat guys in general that causes misunderstandings? sorry la, but i treat all my guy friends the same way lor.. hahas.. but i did well that day anyway, i even smiled throughout the whole day and the dinner, laughed hard, exercised hard too.. lol.. and i think ive grown up too. if its me in my pri sch days, i would definitely have cursed at them straight. then if its in my lower sec school days, i would fought back all the sarcasm. then from upper sec onwards, i learnt. keeping quiet and smiling back is the best. hahas.. so yepps, im not gonna let a bunch of assholes get me down. hohos.. but on another note, i almost had my old ailment acting up again la.. thank goddness it didnt. if not im in big trouble from then. cause you see, i was caught in a heavy downpour. and during dinner i sat in front of a fan, to dry my clothes. and i was shivering like mad already.. i really think its visible liao.. lmao! my teeth were chattering, whole body shivering. super cold can? hahas.. now, still not that bad yet.. at least im not shivering the way i did then.. but hmms, back to the point whr when the wind blows plus my fan im Cold. yea.. oh yes, i got let me count. how many bruises? lOls.. okay, five visible ones. hahas.. but just blueblack only.. i wont die. =)) and yes, i was real lucky i think. lucky i didnt fall so down on the darned slope. lucky i didnt break any bone. lucky i didnt hurt my rib cage. lucky i didnt hurt my right arm again. so yea, see how lucky i am? hahas.. [i didnt tell my parents i fell, and they didnt see my bruises. only until mon night. when i was helping mum to apply some cream for her cause she's sick again laa.. =( my poory mum. anyway, yaa.. and she saw my left arm the bruise. then she said how come you have a bruise thr? you fell down? haas.. i just said yar.. then laters she saw my right palm the nasty bruise and my leg too. so she was like you fell very badly?? and all.. hoos, but i just said well, i fell. thats it.. haahs.. lucky she didnt see the rest? if not she sure bring me to our chinese physician la. lOls.. no laa.. im not that weak pls. im stronger and tougher than what ppl see me as. haws! =)]

sun- nothing much i guess.. oh yeps, i made dinner again. lOls.. just the ingredients for steamboat. cause mom bought the stufx already.. but she cant eat la.. like wtheck? we three eat then she alone eat bread la.. dumb.. but she said those stuffs cant keep till the next day.. so nvm, we carried on. less ingredients than our usual CNY steamboat. haas.. and blur me -_-ll. i told kor 3plates of rice when i didnt want rice too. gong la.. hahas.. then i gave like 3/4 of it to dad. haas! =p and ate vermicelli. nice!

mon- i slept till like almost 2pm la. haas.. but thats cause i slept at bout 4+am okay. lOls.. i chiong finish the healing hands dvd liao.. but the ending super dumb can.. hurr, not nice final episode! lmao! but i super love hong kong canto serials.. damn nice la.. incomparable! =) and i slept at 2+am.. =\

today- i woke up early lehs. hahas.. 10+ i woke up already.. no more healing hands to chiong.. hahas.. so i lazed around till bout 12+noon. then i started watching mr vampire 3. i watched two parts of the sequel i think on mon already.. my mummy! sighs, xin tong for her? hahas.. but seriously hope she recovers asap la.. see her lidat damn xinku one leh.. hohos.. and i gave the class chalet a miss.. anyway i dont really want to go? idk.. but already expected not that many ppl going liao la.. so its not that fun. hahas.. eil, chong hon, me not going.. then angela going at night, cihang also.. lidat whr got fun right? lOls.. stay at home with my mum. best choice.. im mummy's girl. lalala~ "p haas.. lame. but yes, i LOVE my mum. and my bro. =]

bored ehh, no dvds to watch. hahs.. tmr i'll watch kingkong! lala.. oh yeps, boss (from my latest factory jovan tech) called in the evening. haas! he also blur one. he asked me i on holiday? then i told him i already almost school reopening liao lor.. lmao! cause hes urgently in need of people to rush out the counterparts for him for one mth.. hmms, well, i can consider helping him.. cause he said two weeks also can. haas! see how laas.. xiao qian said she dont want.. see weiting going anot.. if not i think i wont go thr.. i dont wanna see those gossipy act high class aunties and that supervisor in name ah fen. hahas.. and ziqin also la.. freak out can? later he pester me again i can die la pls.. okay la.. im weird la.. hahas.. but seriously, a tad bit of more calling and smsing and what nots can freak me out. yes, thats how weird i am. i dont like the feeling at all.. thats why i dont like to give my no. or talk on the phone with my guy net friends. for most of the time i find it super irritating.. hahas.. think i might survive better as a recluse or hermit or something. lOls..

and yes, i dyed my hair just now.. hohos.. but idk.. the colour seems a bit weird? we'll see anyway. hahas.. hmms, under the sun its bright reddish purple. then dark its almost black. hahas.. under lighting its some kind of copper red. fantastic colour changing huh? hee =p

and i need to go buy my shoulder bag! and weights! shugs.. hurry! and my flat heelies. and pumps.. urhh.. darned..

hmms, guess that should be all to my updating now.. hahas.. byes!