oh yes, i didnt even write about my seeing moi yandao gia at all.. wtheck, how can i ever forget? lOls.. oh wells.

sunday night.. 11pm. hahas.. i alighted the bus at our usual bus-stop.. i dont know how come, but i suddenly had a flash thought, if i could see him right then.. but i didnt day-dream there laas.. i walk up to the blk.. and theres someone behind me.. walk very noisily one.. the slippers dragging on the floor those kind.. i was thinking, what if its him? haas! but i didnt actually think so, cause i was reasoning, he couldnt be walking lidat rights? lmao! then till i just reached the blk, i dared take a look behind.. and freaking hell.. IT WAS HIM alrights!!!!??!?!?!?!?! hahahas.. seriously, i can faint there and then la pls.. hahas.. super shocked okay! but i couldnt do anything laa.. lest he thinks im crazy how.. hur hur.. so i continued to walk on.. and he went into the lift.. but i know, he didnt close the elevator door that fast.. =p yesh, i know at least that.. hahs.. like oh my gosh!! i saw Him okays!! hahas.. super happy liaos.. =)) yessss.. hahas.. and he was wearing a off-white long-sleeved shirt and jeans.. yes. =)
if i could see him more often la.. humpfh.. but oh well, its good to see him once in a while already.. hahas.. im contented with that. =) and yes, i admit, i could get a heart attack every time i see him. lalala~

its all about YOU....

i will be strong. for my mum.. i will have the fortitude.. i love her to death.. and more than anyone else.. yes, i owe her freaking much.. i love her.... =))
hohos..

gonna go out with my mummy tmr.. pei her go cut hair.. but erh, yea, think i gotta cut too.. nono, TRIM. lmao! anyway, yeppies, thinking of going orchard with her lehs.. but think cant ba, must get her to rest more.. hahas..

its mum and me!=)

i forgot to mention sat night. hahas.. went to fetch mummy and had supper at bukit timah.. boon tong keh.. delicious supper la.. hahas.. =) chicken, lettuce, bean sprout.. yeppies, but super full la can.. hahas..
hmms, today bout 3+pm.. dad and mum came home.. my mummy hurt her leg again laa.. ='(( she fell down and sprained her ankle, hurt her back.. haiyos, my poor mummy.. =( actually she injured herself in the morning already, but she still went to work.. then afternoon she took leave to see the chinese physician.. sobbies.. anyway, she will be on leave tmr.. and i asked her to at least rest for TWO days first.. poor her. humpfh..
yeppies, so now right. my mum knows bout my tattoo also le4.. hahas.. lmao! yea, i go help her do things, then she asked me izzit henna or tattoo.. hohos.. then she asked me how much it cost.. then when i told her, know what she said? haiyo, 70bucks to make yourself pain. hahahas.. funny eh? my mums cute la can? hehes..
and she rested for the evening, so i cooked dinner all by myself. hohos.. and yepps, super full la. hahas..

mums home tmr.. hmms, gonna go watch my canto serial lohs.. =) byes!

hmms.. didnt update.. but well.. wadever.. i only know now i super tired la.. hahs.. and yeps, im watching healing hands3.. glued to it.. lOls.. tired as i am, i dont wanna stop watching.. hohos.. thats the attractiveness of hk canto serials.. hees :p
went for a short run with lao ba this morning.. but no use la, all the energy is eaten back by me. and i think its surplus in fact. lmao! oh wells. wadever la..
im seriously very tired already.. after this episode i gonna sleep..
nows shikai's birthday.. 19 already lohs.. hahas.. happy birthday to him ba.. good to see him really happy now. hahas! =)
and yeps, my bro.. hmms, oh well. kor, still have this sister here support you de4! ahahs, guess now he will know how come i dont really go communicate at all already.. but can sense hes quite unhappy bout it.. hehx, its really blood-related la. lOls.. he tends to complicate things, same as me la. hahas.. think his gonna book in tmr early morning ba.. muacks him. hohos.. and my mum too! =))

oh well, its all random today. ill write a better entry than this. hahas.. nights all.

i wanna run run run run run run run run and run. lol.. im so missing my sec4 pe days la! humpfh! =(
i wanna run everyday. lOls.. yeps.

i dont know exactly what to write.. cause right now, im like just lacking from all emotions. i dont feel that sad, nor melacholic, nor miserable. hmms..

i wanna exercise! i wanna get my butt moving! haa, who wants to be my partner in exercise? or maybe i should really just get moving and just run. alone. ho hos.. quite an idea. i miss swimming. but i really dont think i can get pass myself to wear a freaking swimming costume. lOls. thats bad okay.. hurrrrrrr

ive got my eye on so many things, i cant finish listing them off. lmao! i need money. i need to work.. all this staying at home the whole holiday is driving me nuts. =(( trapped. shit it. anybody can find me a job?? hais.. but like whos gonna hire one working 3weeks full-time? sucks big time.

bahh. i hope i can sleep tonight. =(

hi hi.. nothing much to write about? maybe thats because im staying at home rotting every single day! lmao. but oh well.. im happy doing it.. no life. hahas.. thats me la. so nvm. :p i said, i can stay home watch tv/shows and eat every one day! lalala~

but sometimes i will feel guilty for not working la.. like, im some sort of a workaholic one leh.. but oh well.. too bad i cant work. hahas..

anyway, i have another thinking or call it reasoning. heard it from ah fly de4.. cause she told me after we graduate, we can work till we die lor.. so now so gan chiong work for what? lOls.. and i think its true also la.. lOls.. anyway now i work is also to supplement my shopping sprees only.. so i dont work, then i dont go on a frenzy shopping spree then alright already wadd.. so heck it so much. hohos.. yay, cheers! =))

i have to declare: 'i LOVE lion dance!! to death!!!' ho hos..

thats about all i wanna say? hehes.. nights everyone.

hohos.. my dad knows about my tattoo now. lOls.. like after 5whole months la. hahaha! and it wasnt until i was right in front of him helping him put in the dvd that he did see my tattoo on my right ankle. lmao. and he asked me is it a permanent one or those stick- on types.. hurr. then he said something, i didnt bother.. hahas.. anyway i dont care quite much if he knows or not. im still keeping it from my mum though.. im intending to wait till its 6months then let them know or whatever ways. hahas.. but still, cant help wondering how come they can be so ignorant of it? or no, put it another way. im great at hiding!! wahahahahs.. :p
yeps, i really should go back to the shifu to put another coat on my ankle tattoo already.. like its way long overdue la. wtheck! that time i went thr, he said my back de4 ish okay.. dont need to put another coat. but then my leg that one wasnt quite okay yets, yeps.. and after that i didnt go find him. so yea, i should. hahas.. but his attitude stinks quite a bit la. lOls.. oh well, he IS great afterall.. lOls.. or alternatively, i should get Him to go with me. hahahas.. then it will be easier.. lalalas~ but i haven gone out with him for so long, and i dont intend to anymore. hohos.. so, see how bas.. cause im intending to go shopping with mar sistar cihang.. anyway i need more bags and stufx too! so going bugis. but lets just see how it goes ba. =)

peace everyone.

just rained in the morning.. and its so nice and cooling.. i love the rain.. =) and this kind of weather is best for swimming.. but well, i doubt i dare wear a swimming costume anymore la.. =x hur hur..

now that its not raining, the weather is like hmm, semi-cool.. just like our days at teCkwaH when the weather was superb.. and i miss it. a blurddy hell lot. ho hos.. thats the only thing i'd miss about there already.. sighs.. i miss the rooftop, i miss where we laid on the high pillar and watched the sky turn from black to orange to light blue; light blue to orange to black.. the stars, the clouds, the wind, the moon, the rain. i remember once when i had it up to me and i just went up to the rooftop when it was having a heavy drizzle during our mini break. and i just ran out to immerse myself in the rain.. super nice.. thats what i miss so much. shit, i miss it too much in fact. ='(( i miss being able to go to the rooftop, shout, run, play in the rain, climb the high pillar, lie on top taking in the scenery, climbing the ladder to our secret place, graffitting (lols), eating our sweets, playing our handphone mp3, or me just hanging by the ladder and reading my book (lmao!).. hahas.. yea.. these are what i've always missed, through and through till now even.

sighs.. i wanna go thr and just breathe the air. go to the reservior and sit down idle time away. shout to my fit. run till im breathless. play at the playground. take a shot at the swing. lay on the grass and watch the sky turn colour. but i cant. i made myself declare i wont step foot thr or go there purposely at all anymore.. damned. haix.. well..
all these belong to a closed chapter of my life. and im still clinging on.. urghhhhhhhhh!! let the rain fall. wash my pain. cry for me cause i cant cry.

bahh, im blabbering.. wadever

oh yar, i browsed my junior's friendster.. saw dunearn in her photo background.. and it hit on me- i miss dunearn.
and its freaking bad that on our last year we CANNOT have the year book! stupid rule.. dumb, totally dumb! =((((( im sulking at that.
sighs.. all those fun times.. my classmates in 4e3.. and schoolmates.. kahhung, yuan ching, guo liang, bo sheng, kim shui, aloysius, shao bao, wei xing, jun hong- all of the paikia gang; alvin, woei en, aloy, wei jie, yukai, joe, han xiang, keng leng, shaun, brian, kelvin, yin zhang, kian hao, kim guan, marcus, azhar, wenni, lishan, lala, wei kang, all of them.. ho hos.. my doddling sessions during lessons.. my textbooks are all evidences. lmao!! haha.. endless chattings with fish, and shanti and charlotte they'all in class. smsing openly. lOls..
not to forget, my sec4 pe times totally rawk!!!! whoo! running2.4km, cross country, captain's ball, netball, badminton, softball, floor ball, everything! i miss my sporty days then.
most of all- staying back doing nothing, eat, talk, watch them after school with fish and cat.. 'the trio'. i especially miss lion dance.. ho hos.. and how those idiots li siao us. lOls.. "p
i miss my ape.. ='( i cant hear them practice lion dance.. but anyway now they also graduated already.. i sure hope la. lOls.. if any one of them retains im gonna go kill them. ho hos.. opps =D
and i sure miss wearing my dunearn uniform.. baggy blouse, skirt, tie, ankle socks, shoes, bag. and i rmb when we had to chiong our dnt folio.. and i carried my a3 file around almost everyday.. and hugged it. lOls.. and my artwork inside there.. sighs.. its always the things in the past that we miss.. funny eh? im nostalgic.

i miss my long hair.. hur hurs.. lOls.. well.. now slowly growing it long la.. hahs.. lucky my hair is those kind grow quite fast de4.. thats also the reason i could play around with so many hairstyles.. wahahahahas.. *gleams* :p but i will miss my cutie short ponytail.. ho hos.. for some unknown reason, i seriously like it.. tie up your hair then its just a short spike tail.. i love it! hohos.. but nvm.. time to keep it long again already.. since sec3 till now i kept short hair le4. hohos.. that time i one month cut my hair once.. lmao! i love to cut my hair.. keeps my spirits up.. lOls.. but i haven gone to my hairstylist for 5months and counting already laa! humpfh. she must be wondering if i changed hairstylist or what.. lOls.. oh wells, i thought of going for a trim.. but knowing myself.. i had better not.. cause when i come out of the salon, it wont NOT be only a trim.. hahahahas.. so, have to bear with it till.. idk. lOls.. but its okay.. considering i love my hair now.. only wish? keep it growing faster longer. ho hos..

yep.. i lost my dangling earring i wear on my left ear.. on the top earhole.. sadded.. =( i cant find it anywhere.. gahh.. not good. oh wells, have to keep finding.. lOls. now im just wearing an earstick thr le4.. hahas.. and i bought ear studs just now.. but cant find those like circle that can wear on upper ear de4..
went to westmall.. to return that book. lOls.. and borrowed another.. whee` and i bought boa's new album.. just to realise my bro had also bought it.. oh well.. see how or nvm.. hahas..


second entry in succession. think i wont get to sleep today.. sighs..
and thats great, i forgot what i intended to write in here! urgh!! =(

but i sure know im super depressed right now.. thats the price to pay. hurr..
oh yea.. yaa.. every time i reject someone, i will think.. most of those guys who added me in friendster or wlny or whatever where, they just wanna sian or jio me rights? like.. i seriously wont give them that much credit as to think: 'oh, they are just looking to me as plantonic friends.' and leave it at that.. sorry, but i live to not trust ppl.. heh. but of course, i wont say that of every single person whom i got to know apart from in person.. i mean, i met them through various mediums like friendster, msn, wlny, and whr i forgot.. but they really treat me like one of their friends.. showing me concern, and its i can feel they truely look to me as a friend.. and thats the kind of thing i want from the opposite sex.. is that even so difficult at all? ive known ppl like kailiang, alan, zhengyang, chao yu, wei bin, blarh and never met before, but so what? they consider me their FRIEND, thats what matters.. i can rattle just this much now.. (like they only treat me as a good friend,nothing else).and well, thats about all la.. haas.. pathetic isnt it? ive got a feeling half of the guys who wanted to know me is because they wanna start a bgr with me? oh wadever, i may just be seeing myself too highly already..
(but thanks to all who really see me as their friend.. smiles!)

oh yea.. i asked myself this freaking question over a thousand times already. "why cant men and women just be FRIENDS? nothing more.. is that really that difficult? a plantonic relationship between two sexes is really mission impossible? i dont think so you know.. but the more im exposed to moving to not believing in it already.. sighs.. oh well, i shall prove it to be plausible!! guys and girls CAN be JUST FRIENDS!! i believe in myself and believe in it. =)

hohos.. well.. i am an ICE QUEEN/PORCUPINE to start with.. lOls.. so this should already give some clue that im not easily tackled? lOls.. bahh..
see, im losing sleep over this.. sighs.. my poor skins gonna suffer again.. oh well.. ill try to sleep soon.

sighs.. suddenly my mood is 0/10 la.. haix.. like wtheck.. ='(( i hurt somebody's heart again.. shucks la.. thats like super bad la.. sobs.. donnoe how many times already laas.. grrr.. previously i also lidat la.. whenever i break one, i'd feel super bad.. darned.. but this is.. haix.. i dont know what to say.. but i know.. its better to tell them now rather than let it carry on.. worst then.. oh shit.. im like going crazy now laa.. =(((( bahh.. i am just guilty of everything laa.. haix.. yes, i am one great sinner.. take a stab at me.
i dont know how many times ive gone through this.. be damned already la.. =( sighs.. gonna be crazy.. its eating at me.. awww.. yarr, and this phrase is damn good for this occasion. "I turn down every guy who wants anything to do with me." yea.. super suited for now? and im like this anyway..
i dont know exactly how to put it across la.. so its just better to reject? because its safer to hurt others than let others hurt me? wadever, label me selfish or what.. yes, i am guilty of all.. im a coward.. yes.. did i ever mention im a porcupine? oh well.. nvm that..
sighs.. and eil suffers the same fate as me today.. hurr.. coincidence not wanted. lmao! hais.. super bad feeling now.. haix.. i dont even know what to say?
yaa, i wont give others a chance.. not when you are somebody i dont know.. my way of relationship is to start as friends first.. not right from the start you tell me you like me or something.. that way im sure gonna retreat; fast. so yea.. hate me all you want.. sorry if i hurt you all.. haix.. i know nothing can cure.. but i didnt mean for you to like me.. oh nvm.. really sorry that is.. =(


ho ho.. i dreamt of something agains.. like everyday one dream ehh? lOls.. nvm, i was like this when i was young anyways..
dreamt of many ppl.. like sec school and poly peers.. funny ehh? oh wells.. chantong, cihang, shikai, pearl, shirley, zhijun, bryan gwee, some of those paikias, and more.. funny laas.. hahas.. and to think i dreamt bryan was shirley's stead! lmao!! ho hos.. well well.. =)

dad is back already.. he reached home at 7am.. and wthell.. he came in to wake me up laa.. =\ said he bought chocs.. yea.. then, i ate. the whole of today.. i practically survived on chocs today.. lOls.. he bough cadbury dairy milk, fruit&nut; assorted chocs with diff fillings; and truffles with vsop cognac.. ho hos.. yup yup.. anyways, choc time! whee.. =]

im getting sianer and sianer each day. lOls.. no novel to read somemore.. bahhh` gonna rewatch my vcds dvds.. hehes.. :p and im becoming more hermit as each day passes.. lol

gu dan ba lei by evonne.. nice song.. the lyrics arent bad too. i especially liked the 'from tmr onwards i dont know you..' hahas.. suits me. =)

oh well. im just bored, as usual.. so long there!

okay.. now im at least smiling again.. thanks to chan tong man.. hahas.. his crappiness doesnt fail me.. =) before this, i was bahh, not smiling. lmao.. yea..
i think my life is full of sharp stones and glasses jutting out on my path, to cut into my feet. but i wont bow to that.. give me enough credit for that.. i will be strong.. as i always were.. i will be alright.. i will never be defeated.. that is the cheryl ive been. =) okays, so i will be alright..

i keep thinking about him now.. all because of that dream.. what was i hoping anyway? sighs.. all i want is for him to be blissful.. which i think he is now.. so kudos to him.. =]

i have so many dreams now.. hahas.. thus i am NOT getting enough sleep.. and thats showing on my poor face.. sobs.. lOls.. so, yea, after this, im gonna try to sleep.. and pray hard enough that i can actually fall asleep in a short while..

blessed be.

hmms.. what to say?
well, im sick. (like again! wtheck?) and i hurt my leg.. so, my mum didnt let me go work.. ho hos.. just great.. sighs.. i lost my source of income.. hhaas.. but my leg seriously hurts laa.. =((
just heard from eil that work was sorta relaxing.. cause theres not many ppl. bahh.. oh well, no choice. hahas.. oh yea, i gotta have to call that manager and tell him i cant work already.. dies man.. =i slept the most of ydae.. cause i had a blurddy headache and stomach pain and a hurting feet.. sobbies.. and the medicine doesnt make me wanna sleep.. i already immune to med laa.. wthell

oh i forgot what i wanted to write.. hurrs..
sat i went to mum's office to help her do her work.. shes seriously tooooooooooooooo stressed up over her work.. poor mum.. wanna hug her. *sobs* we went at 2+ and stayed till 11.30pm.. ho ho.. great aint we? lOls.. and i work work work. and thought of how i worked in teCkwaH.. sighs.. anyways, thats over.. yea.. my poor mum.. =(
sun.. she went to office again.. like wtheck.. sunday lehs.. sighs.. i wish i could freaking give her colleagues a good ticking off.. esp that super idiotic superior of hers.. dumb people.. =(( whoever bullies my mum shall not be spared! humpfh!! so in the end, she ended up coming home at bout 12 again.. i love my mummy to bits and pieces la.. =)) see she so tired, like so heartbreaking.. even my bro's asking how come mummy still not home yet.. so, one fine day. if they get so up to my nerves, i will seriously go right up to them and give them each a piece of my mind.. all of them.. that should teach them how to treat ppl right.

today.. woke up quite early.. and ate my lunch early too. but think i cant like eat much now or something? idk.. wadever anyways.. lazed around.. cleared my room. threw my worksheets.. ho hos.. hmms.. watched tv.. and now. net.. i should go sleep mans.. almost one. but prob is i cant sleep again.. insomnia.. shucks.. =( and i know i mentioned it before.. but if theres sound, no matter how muted it may sound. i still get affected.. super bad.. prescribe me sleeping pills man..

oh well, i need to get my butt moving. when my legs okay that is.. and i have a feeling it will be a long time.. darned.. so, in the meantime.. engage in my novels! hahas.. gotta go borrow. im at the last book and finishing already. =) more novels!
fri's shuzhen's bday.. gotta go celebrate.. lets see then.. oh yea! tmrs pink's bdae! happy 18th birthday pinky.. =)) march so many ppl bday sia.. same as oct.. ho hos.. yusheng, wenni, shuzhen, yaoyao, ken, shikai..... whow.. lOls.. happy birthday all.. haas

psst. i know what to buy for somebody's pressie.. lOls.. gotta get them to go search.. then fix a date for that 'gathering'.. yea.. that idiot wanna scare me huh.. nvm, i help him find things to scare me! lalala~ make live hell for him next two years in SCM.. ho hos.. im evil.. :p

byes all.

thats it.
i am lazy to work!! =((

and im super tired. plus ive got a bad headache. oww shits. idk, but im not exactly that keen on working. should be because i haven worked in a long time already.. i mean i know i should work, but i just dont have the energy to! grrr. can i be pissed?
esplanade. i would have to take 1hr for travelling thr or coming home. and i dont have the necessary attire for work. tell me what to do someone. this sucks a lot.

i haven written a 'proper' entry for the past week yet.. cause i was feeling like shit the weeks through and am still. but anyways, here goes:

went shopping with eil on wed. ho ho.. really is a shopping spree la! =) lOls.. i spent 200 hard bucks okay! hurr, so now im broke. haas.. well, nvm.. bought quite many things.. and im loving it! hahas.. but too bad i didnt get to buy jeans.. nice jeans are hard to find now.. =( and i so wanna buy a skirt! urgh.. i will buy one the next time round. hahas.. :p yeppies, got a jacket. those more style one? lOls.. idk how to describe la.. hahas.. i want more jackets!! those normal ones la.. i want a black with pink/gold stripes at the sleeves, red, white. yea.. lotsa them!! whoo hoo.. but its hard to find too.. like hello? all the nice and normal clothes disappear to whr le4 huh? oh yea, and i want long sleeved tops. hehx.. i bought pumps, with kitten heels.. nicesh! =) hehx, intending to wear with jeans and long sleeve. but eil says wear with mini skirt. to flaunt my tattoo.. lOls.. i wanna wear skirt. hurr. nvm that. we took neoprints too, like definitely! hahas.. always so nice. haas. "p picture frenzy that day mans.. cause eil brought her cammie too! hahas.. yup yup.. lurb ya eil! =))
ran into chong lee. ahahs.. that guy coming to sP also. in engineering.. haas. and another malay girl(i forgot her name) shes working now..

ohh, i absoulutely love my hair now. hahas.. finally see it getting a tiny winy bit longer. lOls.. so i think i will most prob dye it only until after our chalet. hahas.. i cant bear this hair colour! lOls.. but nvm, change time. haha.

oh yea, i watched toy story 1&2 with my bro on tues. super nice can.. like theres no nice cartoons anymore. hurr, sadded. =\ watched inital D too. JAY!! hahas.. talk about too much time at home or something? lOls..

later on im gonna go for an interview with eil. esplanade.. thats far. lOls.. but oh well, better than no jobs at all. so yea.. hahas.. somebody drop MONEY from the sky or just give me can? im POOR. hahas.. angela they'all also haven started work yets.. hahas. the agent didnt contact them. so pheew, im not that bad. hahas.. =p

i want jackets. bags. skirts. tops. shoes. long wallet(cause i cant bear to use my two long leather wallets, lmao).
i need my face to get better. shits man. =(( i need jeans. i need to not eat so much. i need to slim down. i need to have higher self-esteem than now? lOls.. i need money. and so, i need a job.
nahh, im merely rambling, as always? ho hos=) but well, on a serious note, yea. i need my face to get better. i should really self-ban myself from the comp. then i will go sleep earlier. hahas.. and i realized something. i have insomnia again!! urgh, like wtheck? just a little sound or light i cant sleep liaos.. =( plus im a light sleeper la! worst. grrr..

i have to download more themes for my phone. mango themes hahas.. and i got to buy a cover already.

lalala. im outta.



[my inner soul] Description: Your inner soul is calling for help! Everyday you wonder why you are still here when there is nothing left. You use to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again. You've been hurt, abused, and damned far too much for you to handle it all anymore! No one understands you because theyre too scared to get to know you! You want to finally give up; just escape and rid of all your pain. You want people to understand, you want comfort... You tend to bottle up all of your emotions and problems, hoping that theyll all go away But you long to reach out and tell that one special person all of your feelings and troubles! But you never seem to have that person to talk to, or they just dont seem to want to hear you! You like expressing yourself in many ways; whether it be through your emotions, words, art, or even physically. You also enjoy nice quiet sceneries that just dazzle your mind with awe. You want a normal and happy life. You always feel this sense of loneliness clouding over your head, though surrounded by several people. None of them know you; you feel as though no one can relate to you. You want understanding, you want that friend, and you want that perfect life! Your sanctuary would probably be any place where you can be alone and hide out, such as your bedroom... You may be tough at times and try to prevent yourself from crying on the outside.... But your heart is always crying on the inside... Try to loosen up and have some fun! Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

[my inner power] Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This means that you have a talent for identifying others emotions, often by simply glancing at them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People sometimes dont notice youre around and seem surprised to find out you even exist in a big class. Youre the often silent, goody two shoes, and few get passed the walls youve built up to stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have been in the past. Not everyone understands you, in fact some think that youre a snob or worse because you rarely participate in group activities. Youre extremely sensitive, even the least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your very few, closest friends who have earned your hard-to-get trust know who you really are inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is lonely and so desperately needing friends to support you. You can get very depressed and not always know why, despite your power of empathy, as it seems to only work for people outside you. Your friends always turn to you when they need advice or comforting, and in some way you need to give that helpit makes you feel better in return to know that youve helped out your friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside you are really a great, intelligent person, full of compassion and love, if only people would dare take a chance and try to get through your tough shell. Never let others get you down, or change you. You are very special the way you areeven if you dont have fifty thousand friends, you are just as, if not more extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the stars, because I dont doubt youll catch hold of them. Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt you, and will love you for ever. The kind of person who believes in true love, and soul mates. Your stone: Blue TopazYour power: Healing. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually, you heal people with your words, your actions and presence. Youre the one that the little children are always drawn to, because they know youll never let anything hurt them. Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the normal five senses.)A quote that applies to you: "True beauty shines from the soul and warms the world with its kindness, compassion , and integrity."

[what i really am inside] You are a SORROWFUL person.Although you may seem completely happy on the outside(or not), you are actually breaking on the inside. Perhaps it is because you have been wronged in the past? Or it might simply be that you are lonesome or misunderstood. Your eyes hold a great amount of sadness no smile can lift, and it is that which identifies you as a depressed person. You might not cry that often in public, but it does happen behind closed doors.Your traits:*Depression*Sorrow*Intuitive*Imaginative*Compassionate*Solitary*SensitivityYour Color: Gray/ Light blue/ BlackYour Quote: "Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand."

like oh my gosh. its sooo true. hurr. nites all

ho ho hos.. duncha just love quizzes and surveys and all? hahas.. i love to do them.. shows im real bored huh? lOls.. oh well.. nvm that. i like taking the quizzes to find out who i really am anyway.. hahas.. :)

and ya, i just looked at eil's blog. and found out. we both did surveys at the same day laa! talk about telepathy or something! hahahahs.. so, i found another friend who loves surveys too? hohos.. :p

and my gastric's acting up the whole of today. wtheck?

im going shopping with eil tmr! or rather later this day.. hahas.. shop shop shop! i wanna buy bag, shoes, JACKETS! i want MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE jackets.. hahas. black and pink, red, white?, khaki.. abercrombie fleeze jacket! shucks man, i need money! hahas.. and who knows whr to find abercrombie stufx? hahas.. jackets jackets and more jackets.. im ABSOLUTELY in love with them. hahas.. =))
shoes- pointed pumps with kitten heels or something. yepps
bags- shoulder bag, silver weaved. and my all-time fave sling bags. if i can find them that is..
jackets- do i even have to say more? give me my jackets!! roar! =}

alrights. time for more quiz answers? hehes.. oh ya, i took the link from eil.

*You are neat, clean and tidy. You don't like to be pushed around and you won't do something just because you're expected to. You don't live by the rules--you prefer to make up your own instead. If you are interested in an issue, you will find out more about it because you want to, not because you have been told to.
[thats true. i set my own rules to live by. ho hos]

*You are quitely confident and very responsible. You like to lead and can appear to be quite tough on the surface, but underneath is a gentle and sensitive character that enjoys the finer things of life.

*Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.
[hmms, yep yep]

*You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

*Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

leave others till next time. im gonna catch sleep. tata

i dont think its news anymore. what to say? i have nothing i can talk. except for being so down. lethargic and all. im no longer up for talking i guess. i wanna shut up and withdraw from everything again.. so this is the feeling i haven felt in months. and its back, hurling all in my way.
anyway, i did some surveys and stufx. glad in a way that its still the same as i had in the past. the results i mean.. so, that confirms. im still that darker person. idk, i cant describe properly now. im feeling GREY

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

ooOh, i ADORE the rain. hehx.. soooooo TRUE!

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things.You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines. You should major in: MarketingPsychologyDesginCognitive Science EconomicsPhotography

yups, i LOVE psychology..

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

well, thats quite true la. or very true should i say. =

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

talk about MACH huh.. mob. lOls..

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

You Should Be An Aquarius

What's good about you: philosophical and idealistic, you are a great thinker What's bad about you: you require a lot of space - it's hard to get close to you In love: you're quirky and playful, but you hate to be smothered In friendship, you're: likely to have many acquaintances and very few good friends Your ideal job: pilot, snow boarder, or science fiction writer Your sense of fashion: unconventional, unique outfits that turn heads You like to pig out on: anything with garlic or unique spices

like wthell. i AM an aquarian. lOls.. but i think only the first two are so true. ho!

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.On the flip side, you've got a great sense of humor and wit.You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

i like that last one thr. hahas.. :p oh yea. 'get real already'- this is what i always say too! haa

yaa. i cant get to sleep. think now im again like in the past. sleep earliest at 4. just great. urghh.. im suffering from the lack of sleep la!

whee.. im gonna go shopping with eil!! coming wed! ho hos.. finally.. hahahas.. im excited.. lOls.. wanna buy buy buy buy and buy more! hurr.. like im some rich taitai. lols.. oh well. i want my bag. and i want abercrombie fleeze jacket la! super nice.. urghh.. somebody give me the damned money! lOls..

and ermm.. somethings..
thaithai be alright.. =) cheer up! nothings gonna taunt you. hohos.. and dont be mean to laugh at others.. hohohs.. you dont bang rmb? hahas..
eil, be okay too! hahas.. we're going shopping rmb? im anticipating. hohos.. =]
pink, i miss you. hahas.. finally contacted huh? lOls.. =)
thomas, go change your blog? beautify it.. lOls.. and thanks for saying my english is good huh. lalalas.. link me link me! =} oh ya, and not so thanks for scaring me with that game. hahas..
wei long, next time chat with you laa. idiot cow.. hahas..
wei jie, take care for ns.. hohos.. good luck mans..
ah fly, hohos.. must meet up too. our chat sessions or wadever.. with our teCkwaH gang. hahas.
lao ba, hehes.. dont make me xin tong too. hahas.. meet up and have our coffeebean regular chats. hohos.. and yup, i miss cha2 ye4 dan4.. hahas..

hehs, super bo liao.. lOls.. well, just to say. i want abercrombie.. sobs.. and yea, i need a job. hohos.. any job offers anyone? help me. gagas.. off.

wells, i just found this. quite true, ho hos.. enjoy! =)

♥Spell your name:
A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B-You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C-You definitely have a partier side in you, dont be shy to show it.
D-You have trouble trusting people.
E- You are a very exciting person.
F-Everyone loves you.
G-You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H-You are not judgemental.
I-You are always smiling & making others smile.
J-Jealousy.
K-You like to try new things.
L-Love is something you deeply believe in.
M-Success comes easily to you.
N-You like to work, but you always want a break.
O-You are very open-minded.
P-You are very friendly and understanding.
Q-You are a hypocrite.
R-You are a social butterfly.
S-You are very broad-minded.
T-You have an attitude, a big one.
U-You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V-You have a very good physical and looks.
W-You like your privacy.
X-You never let people tell you what to do.
Y-You cause a lot of trouble.
Z-You're always fighting with someone.

back to the past. my msn personal msg.. and its true. i feel so down.. i lost all the energy i have. i dont feel like doing anything at all. i feel like crying. shit. tell me. its melancholy acting up or depression. it feels like ive fallen from grace yet again.. every time i feel i can make it, i slip through the creases.. just great aint it?

hais.. i dont even have the heart to write up this entry. im lost now. can someone show me the light? i wanna hide. i dont feel like talking. ever.

it hurts. too badly. help me find myself back.
where is the cheryl of the past? i miss those days when im crying only because i scrapped my knees.

hmms, nothing much to write about.. but well.

ydae. just went to westmall with mum only.. =\ ate dimsum! hahas.. my fave! =P hoho, couldnt find the bag i wanted.. sians.. but nvm, thats left for my shopping trips with eil anyway! haa. so, yea.. ooh, i bought the hairdye le4.. purple.. but i like cant bear my hair colour now laa.. (though all the brownish black roots are sprouting much already). hmms, well. see how, but by we go out for our 'gathering', i will dye le4.. hehes..

today. oh my gosh. i kenna woke up freaking THREE times la! wtheck. im super grouchy when ppl disturb me from my beauty sleep you know.. urgh. well.. over anyway. hahas.. so now im watching my dvds again.. gonna finish this serial. hohos.. lifes so boring.. everyday just watch dvds, eat, eat, eat and eat again.. =( getting fatter by the milli-second laa!! shit mans.. so not good la. humphf!

oh yea. thurs i packed my cabinets a bit.. hoho.. i spent 5+hrs leh. hahs.. great.. but well, normally when i clear my things i will go through de4.. hehes.. flip through the books and papers.. remember some things and smile. well, i miss it. ho. and i miss wearing my dunearn uniform the way i did. hahahahahs.. :p threw out all my worksheets and workbooks. i hadden realized i still kept some workbooks. hahas.. so yea, throw! then pack my poly year1 things inside. then i packed my plastic bags and paper bags.. cause i love collecting nice paper bags.. super nice la. hahas.. call me weird or wadever. hahas.. im gonna keep them! and yea, i realized i seriously keep a lot of things. ho ho.. too sentimental le4.. kekes..
and i realised another thing. i must keep myself soooo busy then my mind wont think of eating 24/7. sadded case rights? sucks man.. boohoo~ how could i keep myself sooo super busy? i mean at home la. hhaas.. i want to work! sighs.. how to find? well... heck first. haas.. i deserve this break mans.. with all the projects and wadever stufx weighing down on me during the school sem, i need a break. haa! and i need exercise to la.. =\

so anyways, i dont know what else to write. no mood to write too? super hot, i hate such weather.. bleh. im off.

hmms, i like the me best when im with my gang. eil, kai, thaithai, edwin, cihang.. even if its like jiemei, zhong wei, they'all.. also fine. cause i dont know how come. but its like a big striking diff when im not with them and when im with them.. hohos..
with them around, i dont exactly have to care so much abt like some manners or whatsoever.. i can speak how i want to; crap like nothing; sing too! ho~ just very comfortable and relaxed around them laa.. they make me feel so much at ease.. like life isnt that hard to live afterall. lOls.. technically laas.. :p [no, the main thing is that when im with them. i will automatically smile one. hah.. and its.. nice. lOls. with them im quite outspoken, jovial and all. always smiling, laughing, chating. but if im alone, ill fall so quiet altogether..]
and cause im one such a weird girl, few people can let me feel i can let my guard down. so yaa.. i miss them! ='( tell me, why do we even have to split classes huh? shit the person who said we must. hahas.. opps! =p

ho ho.. anyways, just now i msged angela asking her if that person got tell her bout our pay and such.. no.. and wtheck, the timing changed le4.. become 12pm at redhill.. she say start work immed. like grrr.. wthell.. lOls.. hmms, fated ba. hahas.. but funny to say, i dont feel pressurized now. hurrs.. they must jiayou worhs! =)
so now im left with no job offers again le4. humphf.. haha.. im contemplating whether to call my ex- agent anots.. he sure will have offers. and is factory.. which = i like. butttttt, i scared later he give me back my same factory. then merry christmas liao la! hahas.. not that i dont like my previous factory.. i LOVE in fact.. but its just... the things... are well, different. now if i were to go back, im ALONE. and the rooftop they already lock up.. so- no rooftop=no scenery; no friends; no nothing.. and to boot, i had a hard time leaving my life before now. so i dont think i will want to fall back altogether again.. no no.. i didnt even answer when ah hua called la. just the day before.. and no, i didnt go meet them.. ho hos.. but i will definitely still keep in contact with kiet laa! "p hehes.. and that tortoise.. lalala~ yaa.. others, i can say bye bye. hahas.. hmms, but come to think of it.. i wont fall back into that life le4 laa. cause he's no longer into me. so he wont i dont know. hahas.. whatever.. cause it doesnt matter. =)

ho, chatted with shikai. that busy guy. lOls. forever off to somewhere.. lOls. and he asked me THREE times i going out today la. that guy has amnesia! idiot cow.. ho hos. he said bout scv and i want back my scv la. singapore's tv programmes are like downright boring. except for some of course.. but its like at times like morning or afternoon the programmes are nothing watchable so to speak. hahas.. all those cheena old films or watever.. hell no! lOls.. i wanna watch cartoon! =] and hk drama serials.. so damned nice.. hahas.. =)

i thought of this when i was bathing the other day. ha! its about girls.. --when a girl likes a guy, she will be willing to do (most) things for him. when a girl loves a guy, she will willingly go everything for the one she loves. when a girl is stuck into a guy, she wont ever leave him. if the guy she loves doesnt love her and loves another, even if it breaks her heart so, she will try means and ways to help him get the one he loves. because his happiness is all that matters. if a girl decides to be with the guy she love, nothing will deter her or undermine her determination. if she still loves that him, she will never give up hope. but once a girl gives up hope, she will never ever look back. cause her heart is dead now....
haas. true? well, i know. hahas.. ive been thr too. and i live by my principles.. so many in fact. lOls.. for one- the things i choose to do or whatsoever, i will never regret. and even if things were to go wrong, i will never retreat or backstep, cause i chose this road with my own accord. i will never blame others.. so which ever way this road will lead me to, i will finish it till the end no matter what...

one of my principles, and my thoughts. its all randomly conjured, so dont mind the grammar, vocab, and the flow. hurrs.. im off!

im feeling so super down.......... its almost like in the past. i dont even have the energy to type on the comp or what. its like the quote:

"When you feel like you've had it up to here & you’re mad enough to scream but your sad enough to cry.- Thats rock bottom.."

thats what im feeling now. i just wanna hide away. whats wrong with me seriously? exams are over, its time to havoc. but yet im feeling like its the one of the worst nights in these recent days. i think really, i am slipping through the creases back to that me in the past.

i dont know.. urghhh. its even like i cant control the tears.. shit! but luckily, i reach for that. hurr.. i sure hope i can survive through the night. at least i'll be save for today..

but no, i ate sooooooooo terribly much just now. like i reach home, then gorged myself.. ate like nothing laas! hais.. thats the problem you see. im NOT even hungry.. its just i have this urgh to keep eating.. cause its really the gawning emptiness inside of me that makes it so terrible. like if i dont fill it up, it hurts so bad. so yaa.. haiz.. ='( machiam like i caught depression or something.. or i just have a plain eating disorder.. so great, cause my life seems to have so many disorders anyway. ho hos..
da4 ge1 just now msn send me a song lyric. taken from the song 'yesterday'. nice.. and oh so true.. -- "yesterday, all my troubles seems so far away... now it looks as though they are here to stay...."

oh well. angela msged me just now. said the person wants to meet us tmr then can straight away get chosen to work or not le4.. piangs, like so fast laa.. sian diao.. =\ im like half- hearted whether to go anot lehx.. =( i actually intended to like pack my room or wadever tmr de4 los.. then sikali tmr maybe got to work le4.. sighs.. but well, i know.. cause this holiday is damned short laa. asshole.. and we work at most is one month los.. =[ but at least better than nothing baas.. i want the money! sighs.. feels a bit weird baas.. like too long didnt work le4.. thats bad.. hahas.. but at least is at factory. something similar to me. so, well.. think i most prob ish going laa.. sort of interview.. anyways, i figured. dont go sure wont get the job. go, is 50/50... yup, so think im going tmr. zhongwei they all going los.. hmms, so i have them for company. wont die rights? hahas.. but i only scared like if tmr really kena chosen to start work immed rights, then mum specially took leave on fri to like acc me go shop. then i like waste her leave lidat.. and like throw her at home alone.. =\ man.. and my shopping trips with eil! grrr.. anyways, see how tmr laa.. haix..

so, stats today. gonna flunk laa. wtheck.. blurddy difficult. lOls.. really have to cross fingers and toes that i'd pass liaos.. lmao!
before that. study with kai, ct and eil they'all. well, study laa. hur hur.. as usual.. talk cock and craping session.. hehx.. know what? we ended up chatting bout what seafood thingy. lOls.. =p all the live prawns and such.. oh my gosh! hahas.. then shikai said he's gonna treat us to pulau ubin seafood... woohoo~ cool! hehx.. surprise in store for him anyways.. :p *wink*
and edwin. whoa, dazzling jacket he wore today. lOls.. colourful BAPE jacket, with a black tshirt inside. and a cap. you know what style means? hahas.
and huiwen. cut her hair. oh ya, i told them bout that day she in msn talk with me the things. lOls.. and that thaithai said she wants to be like me.. omg, can i really FREAK out? come on, i have got like those ppl to freak me out already. i dont need another person to freak me further rights? and a female at that. great. *rolls eyes* and serious, i WILL freak out laa! oh well. up to her la.
i wanna dye my hair. but i cant make up btw purple or red. dull ones of course. hahas.. eil just confirmed im cool toned. whee~ lOls..

alrights, now i can announce: 'i survived through yet another night.'

see, i just cant stand. why guys always need to have a girl? like if they didnt have they will die. shut the fuck up la. go stand aside dont come piss me. idiots.. come to think abt it. its the girls who are more independent and mature. cause we do not ever need a guy around us just for the need of it. like come on? you dont have a gf you wont die right? so get over it already... stupid issue. i hate this topic the most. and its what i get to confirm more each passing day. dumb.

okays, so much for my rants and all. tmr push myself to go with them down for that interview.