* Saturday, August 23
251` Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason.
230814// One month. Hello you.
* Thursday, March 26
250` Only Almost Here.
im feeling: indescribable
song of the moment: 王力宏- 你不在
CHANGE.
change can be a good thing, or it can be bad. some people change for better, and some for worse. when a person changes, the way he thinks, the things he does, all changes. minimally or significantly; knowingly or unknowingly. and people around him may or may not welcome the change. we don't know for sure. anyway, how often can we exactly point to a time when we tell ourselves: "he's changed." or "thats when things changed."
some people like change, while some people hate it. some take to changes very well, yet others dont. what do we all know? things change, nature changes, tastes change, people change, relationships change, fashion changes, exchange rates change, education changes, values change, principles change, views change; everything changes. whats forever? who are we to know? what do we all know? i ask again.. nothing lasts forever. just remember, everything ends. every single day things around us change. have you changed? do you know you changed? or will you be the one who stays unchanged even when everything around you is changing? things that seemed so important to you in the past no longer seem that important. certain things, certain people, certain feelings, certain memories... things you didnt mind in the past now bother you a lot. what can we say of this? now you dont put in as much effort, you dont put in your heart and soul, you dont bother or care enough. was it you or was it me. i didnt, did you? i dont know..
take it between a couple. one is changing (presumably climbing up, becoming better), yet the other stays the same. would they last? no, would they even make it? suddenly, one is starting to mind or pick on some things about the other. and when you start picking on one, you'd continue picking on a lot more. the originally simple equation between the two of them has evolved, because change was added in. now the equation cannot be balanced, because it is unequal now. so what now? continue standing on unequal grounds? or split up and find other better partners that match to your new heightened standards? hmmm, that's not up to me to say..
or try another scenario whereby we suddenly find that things just changed completely overnight. what do you do when someone you thought wouldn't change changed? people always disappoint. they really disappoint. and in the end, you will learn that the only people you can ever have is yourself. but sometimes, despite that, we disappoint ourselves too. then what now?
who will lament for the ones who merely exist but never live?
what they dont feel they cannot comprehend.
飞轮海- 寂寞暴走
作曲:杨子朴
作词:严云农
编曲:郭伟聪
这里的景色叫做曾经爱过
曾存在你的拥抱和温柔
撕开票根独自重游
票价是想念你的痛
你说做朋友并不是朋友
我们比路人还陌生得多
感情的废墟重建以後
谁会偶尔回来走走
我站在回忆的入口
搜集我左胸口暴走的寂寞
赤裸裸的失落 一目了然的痛
让我无法说泪是因为吹风
我沿着命运的箭头
无奈向前走到下个人的怀中
爱你还没爱够 你却要我放手
谁懂在时间的秘密花园中 你从没走
我说的爱你说的太自由
自由到彷佛我只是说说
未来的风景我没爱过
我只想念你的所有
我的爱你想你都以极速向回忆暴冲
他们能看见的是虚伪的从容
latest addition to my collection of favourite (emo) songs. put on repeat mode on my iTunes. and the lyrics just keep poofing out of nowhere in my head.
郭妹妹- 放了爱
(一切完美 OST)
你指向远方爱情很晴朗
笑问不如今后就我们俩
怕泪会反光钻进你胸膛
但那不是感动是泪无法储藏
把美梦锁上以为是天堂
羽翼折起在你身边静静躺
却只能用目光空中翱翔
还得乔装安份靠在你肩膀
放了爱 为了爱
这不是我该怎麼生活
放了爱
你说你喜欢我笑得开朗
你越温柔我越不想撒谎
我已办不到你想要的那样
客气地配合你我感觉更勉强
别人的幸福何必要模仿
心不在何苦留躯壳在身旁
加满自由我要无重量飞翔
就算以分离收场
放了爱 为了爱
这不是我该怎麼生活
放了爱 会明白
有种拥有 叫作放手
我的心为爱流离失所
紧握最后回家的线索
等到寻获真正的我
证明我决定没有错
放了爱 为了爱
这不是我 想要的生活
放了爱 你会明白
有种拥有 叫作放手
放了爱 我放了爱
my right gum hurts damn bad. been a few days. bloody teethache. the throat's painful as well. even my jaw is aching. the neck too. gonna be quite sick soon i guess.. might be good anyway.
been watching 创世纪II on tudou recently. well, just that mainly.
feel the need to disappear and hide. thought i wouldnt have to pick on the scar so soon. thought i wouldnt have to feel this way just yet. nobody knows. no one at all. all i have is just only myself, and my demons. just as well.. just as well..
谁看见我流过了几次眼泪...
谁看见我流过了几次眼泪...
i think i read too much novels. i think i watch too much dramas. all with good endings. all with sweet romances. blinded with fiction.
everybody loves a happy ending.
oh don't we all???
* Thursday, January 8
249` Happy New Year
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009! i know its late cause its already the 9th day of the year, but never too late right? haha hope this year is good. best wishes everyone.
stay tuned for more! :)
* Monday, June 30
248` Notification of MIA.
the author might be desperately in need of a life makeover.
would most probably be Missing In Action until given further notice.
will contact again.
* Friday, June 27
247`pictures!
omgod, i thought i could just copy and paste the pictures straight from my LJ to here. but apparently blogger doesnt allow one to be lazy. URGH! now i have to insert picture one by one all over again. upload trauma please. so i'll just put up a few. the rest you could just go to my LJ and see.
dead tired. woke up early today.
* Friday, May 23
246`fragility of life.
sanctuary: seeking solace in the dark silent night
im feeling: gloomy
feel very down all of a sudden. dont know why either. just a feeling of despondence sadness melancholy whatsoever. my heart goes out to the victims of the Si Chuan earthquake, as well as the people in Myammar who were hit by cyclone. catastrophes following one another: is the world coming to an end? after all these devastation, whats left? fears that can never really be allayed; pain that never ever dulls; hearts that never could heal/mend completely; memories that would never ever fade out; nightmares that would last all of a lifetime. its like an eternal scar, and its one that stabs deep and leaves an excruciating pain, one that leaves an ugly looking scab at that. the ones who are alive, the ones who were left behind. all truly, you have my deepest condolences. may all the dead rest in peace.
i've decided- i'll make a donation. although it would just be a very meagre amount, but every little dollar counts. if everyone donates a small amount, it would eventually make up a bigger amount. and its going to help. i believe so.
having known such disasters happening in the world makes one reflect. we Singaporeans are lucky to be 'safe' from such natural disasters because of our geographical location. protected by our neighbouring countries and the like. and watching the news reports put me in quite a sullen mood. and i feel guitly, because over here in our side, we are happily living our lives. enjoying our luxury treats, going for spas/facials/saunas/massages, spending truckloads of money on buying designer items or flashy diamonds and jewellery or flaming cars, and all. but look at just what the victims are going through? dooms day would arrive, soon. thats what i think. some really awful disaster would hit the earth, and wipe out the entire living population. 世界末日. human beings animals plants insects, all would die. and maybe, i actually hope for it to happen. to me of course. just make it an instantaneous death though. really. maybe.
~~
something else is gnawing at my heart. apart from all these ruination going around. something entirely different. but still, it makes me feel like im the greatest sinner. and somehow, i think i always end up feeling like this quite often. (too often than i'd like) which inevitably puts me into an emotional wreckage. i dont want to feel this way. surely i have enough things about myself that i dislike. but well, whats new i guess.
am i wrong for being this way? i simply want to be me. but in the end i think i dont really know who i am. sometimes i feel no one would ever understand me. but then again, not even i know for sure who i am myself. so how are others supposed to know? what exactly do i want? i feel like im going around in circles. and i think im really too cold sometimes. too cold for anyone at all. maybe im too selfish, i dont know how to give. im too apathetic. im too unfeeling. im too weird. im too different. im too difficult to handle. im too demanding. im too unsatisfied. im too materialistic. im too emotional. im totally too distant. i need too much freedom. and i really think im a porcupine. i'd hurt every single one who comes close to me. either that, or im just in fact a devil in disguise. i am the untouchable.
when would my death come? i often wonder. this seemingly familiar thought would always creep into my mind. how would i die? death would take all the pain away. let it come soon. im tired. too tired. i want to give it all up. hurt to heal. but theres always this wound(s) that wouldnt go away. no matter how long its been.
and i miss you finally.
so, to conclude: im a very very very morbid person. as you may have already known.
* Wednesday, May 7
245`picture post!
for a long time i couldnt sign into this space. and havent been actively using it now that i can sign in either. so, i shall do a picture post today!
2007 Christmas
Kenny Rogers Feast!
Billy Bombers Waffle!
RAWR!!!!!!!!!~
High fever on my 20th birthday. LOL
* Friday, May 2
244`partner
partner partner partner, dont be down.. tag on my tagboard here. i will come and see often and reply you de4. paiseh i cant make the tagboard for your blog. shall try again.. HEH:)
* Sunday, April 27
243`I AM HAPPY!
omholygod, i am like so darned happy right now! lol, okay, not that euphoric but well.. thing is i can finally sign in to this damn blog. like after how many
anyway, just helped partner change her blogskin. but i cant do up the tagboard properly! bugging me. RAWR! lol,
bought watermelon just now again.. but dad asked the person to choose, which i personally think i would have done a better job choosing one. well whatever. as long as i get to eat it..
okay, got an interview tmr morning. got to wake up damn early.. wish me luck.
* Sunday, April 15
242`long time i didnt update
haha, for such donkey years i didnt update my blogger blog. lol. totally no time anyway. now i've ended my Industrial Training Programme. but im missing work. lol. im lazy to retype the whole entry whatsoever. so i'll just copy and paste my live journal entry so you guys get the gist of all the things alright.
and once again, welcome HOME jaren:)
#022 WORKAHOLIC
[Apr. 14th, 200711:57 pm]
[hiding hole lazing at home; missing work.]
[im feelingchipper]
[song of my likesSheena Easton- Almost Over You]
officially counted as DAY ONE i stop working... but, shucks! i miss working with them terribly! urgh!! i wanna continue working.. miss the feeling of rushing work through. miss the no day no night working period. miss the playing here and there. miss the consistently on the move rushing movement. miss eating working playing crapping rushing with them. darn, im so shucked. how? only day one and i miss it so much. as spencer said, i damn fast ah. so fast miss already. awwww, i truly miss. i dont wanna only be able to talk with you all through phone sms-es and/or msn. i want face to face physically in connection. the 'real' life feel. not 'electrical' feel.
seriously, im a workaholic. once i pop working, i cant stop. LOL(!) they also always scold me crazy. lol, cause i say i wanna work till very late, or overnight. lol. damn funny. but cause im sick. they dont give me much work also. boxes i carry they scold me. i climb they scold me. LMAO! like nothing they wanna let me do. super funny also=P its great to have such ppl to be with. im really lucky to be taken excellent care of by jessy soon lee and spencer. THANKS a whole bunch ppl. i miss you guys like crrrrazee. HA-HA-HA! our gathering is soon(!) and yup, we can always call each other or meet up as and when we can. or i can go there and look for you too! hurhur.... *evil grin* like i LMAO!
oh well. school's gonna start like soon. but i dont have the mood for school. lol, i miss work(!!) prep for school already. stationery, files, blarh.
and JAREN is finally back from shu zhou. partner, shopping trip with shikai like soon too! yeah, shop. i want my stufx luhh. hurhur. oh, and eil too!
and yeah, my abercrombie and fitch hoodie. i'll get it on mon already!:))
and i plan to change my phone (make that since a long time way back), but there aint any nice phones that i've taken a fancy to. im playing with the idea of a Sony Ericsson W810i.. but the predictive text msging function is uber irritating i think. hmm, must go check out the entire workings of the phone first. the camera can change to sepia and B&W tones then i'll love it like crazy. HEH=P
and that 死白吃said he go home online chat with me. like really is idiot cow la. so late go home, still want to chat? next day is freaking 8.30AM start work? lol. okay like thats how i survived these 3weeks of stock take project anyway. but i wont touch my comp already luhh. save for the night i went without sleep. lol. and you know, i didnt sleep for 46hrs. LMAO! and im not tired now too. hurhurhur. but my nose is crappy. ive been sneezing the whole day. like wtheck?
oh yup, i forgot to mention that i 'stole' ppl's ringtones. like i LMAO seriously. the guy at UPS House had real nice ringtones i tell you. lol, so i just asked him for his phone and my colleague and i took his ringtones. AHAHAHAH! kenny g, michael jackson tunes. wow, how freaking COOL okayy! i want more of such instrumental ones. so my msging tone isnt so irritatingly long when i dont answer it in time. and his phone is a Sony Ericsson W800. hohoho. and yes, i wanna change my plan to the student plan too. my phone bill keeps
* Friday, March 23
241`
so now. work, im seriously dreading? please, let the days come fast so ITP ends ASAP. just when i thought theres only a bearable 14days left. they gave me a Bomb. wtheck?!! ask me to help them stock take from 29mar to 8apr? moreover i have to go on WEEKENDSSS as well? shit you seriously. and i almost forgot to add that its at Changi. and i like at Bukit Batok. one end to the other? and its like what? 8.30am still? and you said some days might have to do OT and what nots. urgh! i was really having a major pissout session ydae after they told me this 'so-darned-good-news'. right, a good chance to learn. sorry but yours truly doesnt want to slog my guts out working as a temp attachment staff student getting a less than meagre pay? plus i damn well dont miss this company, neither would i want to come back and continue working for you. im not sorry that this sounds like a
enough about work anyway. saps all energy like some blood/soul sucking creature. so, had stomach or is it gastric flu? went to see the doctors this morning.. then accompanied The Mom on a spectacle search. finally she got what she liked and fixed it. hurhur.. and i finally got my hair cut! yeah, i super love haircuts. i dont know why. they make me happy. HA-HA! =)
uhh when is my gastric/stomach gonna be okay. lol. and i so need to go return my long overdued book. hurhur.
* Sunday, March 18
why isnt jaren online when im online de4 huh?!! sadded can, i wanted to chat with her since its the weekends and i could spare time online.. *doe-eyed* lol seriously. come online girl! uh, though i think you cant read this entry cause you said you cant access livejournal. nvm, later then i copy this entire entry to my blogspot blog:) or we could just send each other emails luhh. HA-HA!
actually not much to update i guess. gonna have to watch DEATHNOTE tmr.. if not i wouldnt have time to watch it luhh. and yes, dad loaned me the 'Beautiful" album love songs, plus another love album disc. hahahaha, love songs for the win yes! hoots
shucks, i forgot what i wanted to say. . . . OH, yea.. this afternoon i suddenly had a random thought. cause sometimes i would type up some crappy random stufx about myself right. so i thought, if anyone really stays tuned and takes note of whatever small detail i say about myself, i guess that person would know me quite well? or at least know how i think, what i feel, what will i say and whatnots. haha, but seriously who would?!! *rolls eyes* and im deciding whether to get a DKNY watch or an ADIDAS one. DKNY is my love man. i love the bags as well! the watches and the clothes..... now, dont get me started.. lol, if i buy a DKNY i'll add to my collection. but the previous wasnt bought by me. ahahah=D
footnote: cook for me someone, healthy stufx.. and im so gonna sleep like soon.
* Saturday, March 10
super shagged today man. slept too little already. slept at 6+AM, woke up at 10AM. wtheck?!! didnt go out today, my mum lied to me. LOL. tmr luhh. mope around doing nothing. using the comp doesnt entice me much. neither does the thought of reading my novel lighten me. plus its frigging hot/stuffy/bright/whatever. the sun is too strong. sucks.
and i think i might be sick again.. HURR. anyway, the brownie that sal shikai leomund peifen bought for me is nice!:) super belated birthday cake from the 'class'. lol, but still thanks to those who pitched the effort alrights. ydae night was great luhh, so i was happy i went in the end. haha, those who can access to my livejournal blog would read it there as well.
i so wanna watch Protege la! i haven watched it and i thought i could catch it today leh. sadded can. hahahaha.
sick again? gastric acting up? sun too strong? what am i typing anyway?
* Sunday, March 4
238`blogger/livejournal?
oookay, cause my partner cant access my livejournal blog. so im back to blogging at blogger again. lets see if blogger is good to me, and let me immediately view my post after i've published an entry.
okay, anyway, back to work tmr. SADDED.
butttttttt, bbq tonight. yeah~
